ENDING THE PLEASURE DROUGHT!
Only 15 per cent of us have our desires met any given week, so it’s time to up the ante!
Busy work and social schedules, caring for your children and other common everyday stressors can hinder your closeness with a partner. In fact, new research by online marketplace Groupon’s Pleasure Survey suggests 86 per cent of Aussies experience barriers to finding pleasure in their lives.
Well, it’s time to change that! Psychologist and author Cassandra Dunn shares all the ways a woman can embrace her sexuality with her partner for more va-va-voom.
What women want
Before addressing your wants and needs with your partner, it’s important to ask yourself what it is you like. “It’s really important that women take responsibility for their own pleasure even if they’ve been conditioned that it’s up to men to take the lead,” Cassandra says.
“Everybody is different and it’s up to each person (both women and men) to find out for themselves what gives them pleasure and then take responsibility for sharing that with a partner. You can’t tell someone what gives you pleasure if you have no idea yourself!”
In fact, the Pleasure Survey shows that one third of Australians say their partner doesn’t really know what gives them pleasure – so share the intel with them, ladies!
Don’t get the guilts
Know that you’re allowed to take time for you and experience pleasure the way you wish to. “Women can put guilt on themselves sometimes to be a girlfriend, wife, friend or mum first,” says Cassandra.
“It’s important that women take even an hour of their day to indulge in pleasurable experiences for themselves, whether that be something as simple as a hairdresser’s appointment or morning gym workout.
“It’s those treat-yourself moments that keep women from feeling the ‘pleasure pinch’.”
The talk
It can be nerve-racking discussing this with your partner, maybe because you don’t want them to feel insecure, or perhaps you feel uneasy about it. But Cassandra assures us there’s nothing to worry about if you do it in the right way. “Most people want to know their partner is enjoying themselves and communicating what you want more of (or less of ) indicates you’re actively participating and engaged in the whole process,” she says.
“This doesn’t strictly apply to the bedroom. This same advice can be applied to communicating what some of your favourite date nights [are].”
Why pleasure’s important
If you’re thinking pleasure may not be that crucial in the grand scheme of things, think again. It can also improve other areas of your wellbeing. “When we experience pleasure, our brain releases a whole lot of feel-good hormones that help to reduce stress and promote relaxation, such as dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin,” explains Cassandra.
“Increasing our opportunities to experience positive emotions makes us more open to joy and more engaged with life and also builds our psychological resources to help us cope with stress and challenges.”