RAISING CONFIDENT KIDS
How to raise young people to feel good in their own skin
Growing up can be hard, and for many of us it carries memories of being made to feel like we had to live up to a certain body stereotype. Thankfully, the conversation around our bodies is changing for the better in many ways, but there’s also room for us to do much more.
Body image activist and Embrace filmmaker Taryn Brumfitt has been working for years to help people feel better in their own skin. Now she’s spreading the message to young people with her new film Embrace Kids (which hits cinemas on September 1), along with the newly released book of the same name, which she co-wrote with body image expert Dr Zali Yager.
Taryn says we need to recognise that fat is just another part of our bodies.
“It’s a three letter word that wields so much power,” she explains. “And we’ve got to take the power from it and help kids acknowledge through our language, the celebration of all the different shapes and sizes and abilities of bodies. It’s a beautiful thing, and we’re not all meant to be the same.”
WHEN DOES IT BEGIN?
Unfortunately, many of the messages that we learn about body size start very young.
“We found that even as young as three, children will tell us that thin is good and fat is bad,” says Dr Yager.
However, it’s often around the age of seven to nine when kids start to voice concerns about their appearance. The good news is that parents and other family members can have a huge positive impact and give kids the confidence to navigate those difficult teen years.
“We can really talk about celebrating the diversity of bodies and valuing what our bodies do, instead of what they look like,” Dr Yager explains.
DITCH FOOD SHAME
While it’s normal to want our kids to eat healthily, recognise that there’s no such thing as “good” or “bad” food. If your
child has been given lots of lollies on Christmas or Halloween, encourage them to save some for later, or switch the focus to how it might make them feel.
“It’s just about saying, ‘Just check how your body’s feeling because sometimes when we eat a lot of one type of food, it can make us feel a bit yuck and sick,’” Dr Yager explains. “It kind of takes weight and bodies completely out of the question. And we’re not creating any sort of shame.”
SELF-KINDNESS
Kids hear everything we say, so try to avoid beating yourself up for eating that last doughnut.
“We need to improve, and work on ourselves in order to be able to pass on more positive messaging to young people around us,” says Dr Yager. “One of the main things that we’re trying to break is the idea that eating and enjoying food, which is a big part of our lives and our celebrations, is going to immediately change our bodies. The number one advice is just not to comment on people’s appearance and bodies.”
WHAT IF MY CHILD GETS BULLIED?
If someone says something hurtful to your child about their appearance, remind them that they’re perfect just the way they are.
“Instead of saying, ‘Oh, you’re not fat, you’re beautiful’ it’s about saying, ‘It’s not OK for people to talk about bodies like that. That was really serious, and it’s not OK,’” Dr Yager advises. Try doing something that will make them feel happy again. It could be listening to some music, going for a walk or doing some yoga.
PROBLEMATIC RELATIVES
If a family member is making comments about your child’s body size – however well meaning – it’s time to step in.
“It’s hard to know how to manage the family relationship and dynamic, but also stand up for your child in that situation,” says Dr Yager. “Just say, ‘It’s not helpful to do this.’” Afterwards, check in with your child. “Say something like, ‘That was serious, that’s not OK, there’s nothing wrong with your body.’”
AVOID ACCIDENTAL STIGMATISING
Steer clear of any language that suggests that being fat is bad.
“When your child or grandchild says, ‘Am I fat?’ the first thing as parents and grandparents that we want to do is say, ‘No, you’re not fat,’” Taryn explains. “But it’s actually the opposite of what we want to encourage people to do because it stigmatises fat and makes fat bad.”
HOW TO SEEK HELP
If you’re concerned your child has an eating disorder or serious concerns about their body image, contact The Butterfly Foundation helpline on 1800 33 4673.
“The whole idea is that you don’t need to know what to say – they will ask you questions,” says Dr Yager.
With spring just around the corner, it’s a time when many of us start decluttering (or at least start thinking about it). But before you throw away those long-forgotten items, it could be worth thinking about what you can sell through online platforms such as ebay, Gumtree, Facebook Marketplace and Etsy.
“Many people have thousands of dollars worth of items gathering dust in the cupboard that could be earning them cash,” ebay Australia’s Brooke Eichhorn explains.
You may be surprised by how much some items could fetch!
“What is old is new again and fashion from the ’90s or early 2000s is really popular from Gen Z right now, like chunky sneakers, baguette bags and leather jackets,” Brooke adds.
“Collectible card games like Pokemon and sports trading cards have seen significant growth in recent years as Aussies driven by nostalgia revisit items from their childhood, so it could be worth raiding your hubby’s cupboards or digging deep into the children’s toybox.”
Here’s how to get the best price...
CHOOSE THE RIGHT PICTURE
A sharp, clear photo with good lighting can make all the difference. “Taking a good picture is crucial so people know what they are buying,” says Brooke. “Use a solid white backdrop and take shots from every angle – a bathtub can be a great option if you don’t have a white wall! If it’s a piece of clothing like a dress, you can hang it on a coat hanger to showcase the length.”
Include snaps from different angles so that buyers know what they’re paying for. “Make sure you capture any quirks or imperfections,” Brooke adds. “If a clear background is hard to come by, you can use the background removal feature in the ebay app to easily touch up your photos.”
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
When listing your items, it’s good to be as descriptive as possible, and respond promptly to any messages that you receive from potential buyers. It’s also a good idea to list as many items as you can at once – this way people can also look at anything else that you might have for sale. Keep all communications within the website that you’re using (for instance, Gumtree or ebay), so that if any problems arise you’ll have a record of all of your conversations.
KNOW YOUR WORTH
Before you name your price, have a look at similar items to see what they’re selling for.
“Always take the item’s materials, condition and overall demand into consideration when you’re working out its value,” says Brooke.
When it comes to selling mobile phones, ebay has a feature that lets you work out how much it’s worth. “If you are not sure how much your item is worth, you can use an auction to see what people are willing to pay,” she adds.
KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR COLLECTIBLES
From ’70s and ’80s Cabbage Patch Kids to vintage board games, you may be surprised what your pre-loved treasures can fetch, so do a search before throwing anything out. “VHS tapes are another example,” Brooke says. “We’ve also seen rare vintage Corningware fetch up to several hundred dollars over the last couple of months.”
GET CRAFTY
A lick of paint can also be a great way to update an old piece of furniture and increase your asking price. For example, a can of gold spray-paint can transform a simple pre-loved mirror into a highly sought after on-trend piece that you can sell on Gumtree. Remember to add a sealant so your paint job stays fresh!
PROTECT YOURSELF
If you’re selling a big-ticket item, check to see what protections are on offer. For instance, ebay offers an authority guarantee for sneakers more than $150 and handbags over $350. Never accept a cheque in payment and if you’re sending goods by post, keep a record of the tracking number. If you’re selling things in person, choose a neutral location and bring a friend if possible. Lastly, if you’re concerned you’ve been scammed you can report it to the online marketplace that you sold the item through.