SO YOU’VE BEEN GHOSTED...
Has one of your friends pulled a vanishing act? We take a look at this modern phenomenon
One word that we hear a lot about in the world of dating is ghosting – that all-too modern phenomenon when someone disappears from your life without any explanation. However, ghosting doesn’t just occur in romantic relationships. In fact, it can happen in all sorts of situations – including friendships.
Wellness coach and author of Where’d They Go? Andi Lew says most of us have experienced ghosting at some point in our lives, or have even done it ourselves. “It’s when someone you’re chatting to, or having a relationship of any sort with, without warning or explaining just vanishes into thin air, literally like a ghost, and no longer exists in your life,” she explains. “They just never reply to you.”
GHOSTING IN FRIENDSHIPS
Sometimes the end of a friendship can be as devastating as the loss of a relationship. “Not having closure can be really traumatic,” says Andi. “You have so many unanswered questions and didn’t get to say goodbye.”
If this happens to you, it’s completely fine to ask for answers, but avoid coming across as defensive or resentful.
Andi says it’s also important to realise that this behaviour often says more about the person who is ghosting than it does about you. “Jealousy is often a reason to ghost, or lack of reciprocity,” she explains. “You no longer serve a purpose in their lives. Perhaps the reciprocity wasn’t there any more or you were actually only being used for something your friend now got and doesn’t need you for any more.”
WHY IS IT HAPPENING NOW?
Blame social media if you will, but technology has made it much easier to ghost than ever before. Andi says part of the problem is we’ve lost the art of saying goodbye.
“Before phones were invented, people made plans when they left off a conversation. It was social culture and etiquette to say when they’d see each other next. It sometimes happens now too, but not as often,” she explains.
“Culture has changed. You don’t need to end every chat with a phrase or comment about when you’ll talk or catch up next. You already know you will probably see them within the next hours online on one of the many social media apps you share and are friends on.”
IS GHOSTING EVER OK?
It’s normal to want to avoid confrontation. However, if someone has hurt your feelings, Andi says it’s much better to let them know how they have
made you feel instead of cutting them off without any reason.
“I think it’s best to explain what it was that they did that was hurtful first. Give the person a chance to learn,” she says. “I always believe we need to try and leave a person better than we found them.”
There is one exception, though – if the person is behaving in a way that is clearly toxic. “Ghosting is always good if you’re unsafe or being disrespected,” Andi explains.
WHAT NEXT?
While ghosting can hurt, Andi says it’s possible to see it as a good thing. “We attract people in our lives for lessons and blessings. You get to decide which it was,” she says.