It’s Personal
Kurz mal bei jemandem vorbeischauen, wenn man in der Gegend ist? Oder jemanden mal kurz anrufen? Das war einmal. Unangemeldet geht heute gar nicht mehr.
Elisabeth Ribbans on pre-arranging communication
H “i, Lis, would you be free for a phone call later this week?” This type of question drops into my office email almost daily — and I am guilty of sending the same enquiry to colleagues and business contacts in return. The communication to arrange a communication is so normal that it’s hard to recall how it felt in the time before email, when, if you wanted to speak to someone, you just (horror!) dialled their number. Nowadays, if a business associate calls unexpectedly, I immediately assume someone is in trouble — and quite possibly, that someone is me.
I’ve noticed that even friends have started texting to see when we might find a moment to speak. I hope it is nothing that I have done to appear unavailable for spontaneous conversation, and rather that social media allows an additional layer of checking a person’s free time. But it’s all a bit uptight, isn’t it?
Modern etiquette for pre-notification extends to our homes, where the idea of an unscheduled visitor fills many with dread. My mother’s generation may be the last to say, “I popped in to see Betty on my way home from town.” When I hear this, my face contorts into a Munch-like Scream as I think, “poor Betty” — but Betty seems to be genuinely OK with impromptu arrivals.
I’d like to be more “Betty”, although I fear it’s too late. Check online forums and you will see that most people now
find it “rude” when a friend appears unexpectedly. Millennials, it is said, don’t even answer the door. An entertaining thread on Twitter earlier this year began when someone in the US suggested young people were “killing the doorbell industry”. Any visitor they were expecting would text their approach. Obvs. Similar reports, found in sources ranging from The Wall Street Journal to Buzzfeed News, indicate that many youngsters find the doorbell alarming in the wrong sense.
The good news for those who face such angst is that the chance of anyone coming round is decreasing. The UK government’s latest National Travel Survey found that between 2002 and 2017, the number of trips to visit friends fell by 30 per cent.
The irony of us acquiring a highly developed sense of privacy and personal space in an era when we willingly share so much of our lives on social media, is clear and, I suspect, complex. Still, a world in which one has 1,000 “friends” on Facebook but none that you’d be pleased to see walking up your garden path uninvited, is somewhat saddening. Call me if you feel differently — but please email first.