Talking Finance
Das Thema „Finanzen“ist für viele einfach nur langweilig. Dass es aber – zumindest verbal – durchaus witzig sein kann, beweist IAN MCMASTER mit Beispielen.
The funny side of money
Many people think that finance is very boring and certainly no laughing matter. Maybe that’s simply because they have no interest in it. But then again, hardly anybody gets any interest from their money nowadays. Finance is a key part of everyday life and something everyone has to take account of. So, it’s hardly surprising that there are lots of finance jokes, puns and sayings. For example, it is said that a banker is someone who gives you an umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back when it starts raining. Also, old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. And old investors never die, they simply take stock, stop bonding and yield to the inevitable.
I remember a joke from my childhood, in which “Jesus saves” was written on a wall. And below it, someone else had written: “Well, he couldn’t on my salary.” Another childhood joke: “Mummy, mummy, there’s a man at the door with a bill.” — “Darling, are you sure it’s not a duck with a hat on?” Meanwhile, those people who are always predicting a financial crisis are what we might call profits — I mean, prophets — of doom.
A true story: when I left university in 1980, I taught economics for a year at a London school. One day, I asked the class to write an essay titled “What Is Money?” Most of the boys simply copied the relevant section out of their textbook. I fell asleep marking their work. One boy, however, woke me up with his originality. He wrote that “leaves could never be used as money because then it really would be true that money grew on trees”.
I still haven’t stopped laughing at that brilliant answer, even if it wasn’t entirely correct. Tobacco leaves — which, of course, don’t grow on trees — were indeed used by early English colonists of the US as money. Which no doubt brought with it the danger of seeing your money go up in smoke.
Talking of money, what happened when the cat swallowed 100 coins? Yes, that’s right — there was a lot of cash in the kitty. On the other hand, when the little girl swallowed a pound coin and her father asked the doctor how she was, he was told there was no change.
Now, if you’re looking for a high return on your money before the end of the year, try investing in companies that sell alcoholic spirits. Where else can you get 40 per cent? Finally, I don’t want to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company regularly tells me that my balance is outstanding.
Finance doesn’t have a funny side? Don’t make me laugh!