“Be true to yourself and live the life that you want to live”

CAROLINE PAIGE was the first openly transgender officer to serve in the British Armed Forces. After working as a pilot for the Royal Air Force (RAF) for 19 years, Paige decided to come out as transgender in 1999. It was a tough decision. At the time, it was illegal to be LGBT in the armed forces. Paige worked hard to prove any opponents wrong, serving another 16 years with ten operational tours in Bosnia, Iraq and Afghanistan, winning an “exceptional service” commendation in the Queen’s 2012 New Year’s Honours list.

When did you question your gender identity?

When I was five and decided to wear my sister’s dress at home. I was shouted at and told it was wrong. That scared me, but the thoughts and feelings didn’t go away. So, I had to hide them.

How did you get involved in flying?

I joined the Air Cadets and won a flying scholarship for a private pilot’s licence. This gave me the ambition to join the RAF in 1980 — flying was somehow in my blood. I worked as a navigator, protecting the UK during the Cold War while working on the frontline of defence.

At the time, it was illegal to serve as openly LGBT in the armed forces. How did you cope?

Basically, I lived two lives: the life everyone saw when I went to work, and my own life when I got home. That went on throughout, into my 30s. My father was in the military, so I knew that, back then, it wasn’t very positive about LGBT people. I also knew how much coming out would break my family. So, I held back. But then, in my mid-30s, I had a growing realization that it was my life and my life to live alone. I made up my mind to be open and honest about who I am and accept the consequences.

How did people react?

It was a scary moment, as once my secret was out, I could have potentially lost everything — my job, my income, my house, my parents and friends. I spoke to my sister first, which proved to be my best decision, as she was so supportive. I then confided in a friend in the military, who was also supportive, which encouraged me to talk to a military doctor, who was also wonderful. The RAF decided they wanted me to stay, but I was taken off flying duties until my medical procedures had been completed. Unfortunately, telling my family didn’t go so well.

Did you receive any other negative reactions?

In the mid-2000s, someone outed me to the national newspapers and all hell broke loose. Before, I’d only told people on a need-to-know basis, but now, everyone knew. At first, I heard a lot of negative voices. I was told I was a liability and a danger to my colleagues. But then people started standing up for me, asking what the problem was as long as I could do my job.

Did it affect your career?

Yes, in terms of promotion. I was taken from a good job, where I was posted to help bring in a new generation of helicopters — which would have led to promotion — and put in a ground tour while I adjusted to my new life in the military. I returned to flying duties in the mid2000s. Flying was what I wanted to do most.

What advice would you offer others?

The RAF and military have since repealed the bar on LGBT people serving and have adopted an attitude of open acceptance. People can openly be themselves without fear of discrimination. It is a different world now, where people can stand up and say: “This is me, I’m different but I just want to carry on and do my job.” My advice is to be true to yourself and live the life that you want to live. Of course, that’s easier said than done, so speak to someone for support. A burden shared is a burden halved. www.bitebackpublishing.com/books/true-colours