Perfectionism
The pros and cons of trying to be perfect at work
Lassen Sie keine Fehler oder Schwächen zu und muss für Sie alles perfekt sein? Dann sind Sie vielleicht ein Perfektionist. LOIS HOYAL erklärt, was man unter Perfektionismus versteht und dass es Perfektionisten oft leichter hätten, wenn sie nur weniger perfekt sein wollten.
Do you permanently set the bar high? Are you never satisfied with mediocrity? Is only the best good enough for you? If your answers to these questions are yes, then you might well be a perfectionist. The problem is, that’s not quite as perfect as you might think. Perfectionism is a favourite faux fault in job interviews when you have to identify a professional weakness. “I’m a perfectionist,” you smugly say.
Many people sing the praises of perfectionism. After all, perfectionists are generally seen as uncompromising individuals, whose drive pushes them to the top of their game.
Take the actress Michelle Pfeiffer. “I’m a perfectionist, so I can drive myself mad — and other people, too,” she said. “At the same time, I think that’s one of the reasons I’m successful. Because I really care about what I do.” The perfectionist director James Cameron, on the other hand, prefers to be labelled a “greatist”, saying: “I only want to do it until it’s great.”
Perfectionism can have a darker side, however. Claude Monet once declared that “My life has been nothing but a failure,” and often destroyed paintings in rage at what he saw as imperfections. Retired actress Bridget Fonda once said: “I’m afraid of making a mistake. I’m pretty neurotic about it.” And Steve Jobs insisted on controlling every detail of product development at Apple and used to fire employees in pique if they didn’t reach his sky-high standards.
Childhood influences
But what exactly is perfectionism, and why do some of us become perfectionists? According to Dr Allan E. Mallinger, a
Healthy perfectionism can provide the driving energy that leads to great achievement
US psychiatrist and co-author with Jeannette De Wyze of Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets out of Control, perfectionism is the need to be practically flawless, or at least to appear so to others.
Perfectionism starts early. Mallinger says that while “heredity may form the ore of specific personality types … early experiences and perceptions are the hearth, hammer, and anvil — the shapers of these raw possibilities and limitations”.
The behavioural trait stems from vulnerability in childhood. Strict parental control can trigger an underlying fear of rejection if you fail to satisfy mum or dad’s high standards. Love and approval are perceived as being conditional on giving a flawless performance. If they’re imperfect, those children believe, others won’t love them. Therefore, they must never fail.
As children, our biggest fear is of being excluded, says Annabel Demoitié, founder of the organization Anthusiast! in Belgium, which provides coaching to individuals and groups on how to manage perfectionism. “Our parents and teachers have all these rules, so in order to avoid criticism and to gain appreciation, we try to be the perfect child according to their rules,” says Demoitié.
Demoitié says she suffers from perfectionism herself as a result of negative childhood experiences. “In my childhood, I was surrounded by narcissists who were always putting me down, criticizing and laughing at me,” she explains. “So to avoid all of that, I tried to be the perfect daughter and child.”
This hindered Demoitié’s career development in later years. “I couldn’t do as many projects as others. As I wanted everything to be perfect, I was overwhelmed and blocked. I wanted to find a solution and looked very deep inside myself. Now it’s my mission to help others.” Indeed, Demoitié shuns the word “perfectionist”, preferring instead to talk about people who “have perfectionism”. She says that perfectionism “is a way of behaving, not of being”.
A modern disease
Perfectionism, sadly, is a disease of modern times. More and more children are suffering from burnout as they struggle to achieve top marks at school and juggle a myriad of interests. Social media bombards impressionable teenagers with daily images of a seemingly perfect existence, burdening them with self-doubt. Why doesn’t their life look like that, they ask themselves?
And once perfectionism takes root, it’s hard to free yourself of it in later life, particularly in a work culture increasingly focused on success, achievement and results. In a world in which we all want more for less, overworked humans are the ones who are paying the price, says Demoitié.
Like other character traits, perfectionism can assume different forms. The best type is adaptive, or “healthy”, perfectionism. This can provide the driving energy that leads to great achievement. Healthy perfectionists set themselves high goals and work hard to achieve them. And if they make mistakes, they bounce back easily and take any imperfections simply as an incentive to work harder.
There is little to distinguish these kinds of perfectionists from self-motivated high achievers, who
enjoy high self-esteem, are conscientious, goal-oriented and like order and organization. Overall, these are happy and easy-going individuals.
This type of behaviour rightly pushes you to do your best in an increasingly competitive world, says Mallinger. “I don’t think we can thrive at most careers, or in navigating today’s highly technical life, unless we’re at least somewhat perfectionistic.”
This form of healthy behaviour manifests itself only when it is necessary or advantageous — for example when a surgeon is at work, but not when they are watching a movie with friends. In other words, it’s one thing to want to be perfect at your profession, but it’s a whole other thing to want to be perfect in every single aspect of your life.
The unhealthy, or “maladaptive”, version of perfectionism, on the other hand, has its roots in a neurotic fear of failure and is the enemy of success. And perfectionism becomes a problem when it’s an overly developed trait that a person can’t vary or turn off depending on the requirements of the situation, explains Mallinger. If overly pervasive and rigid, perfectionism becomes one of the traits that make up the obsessivecompulsive personality.
Rather than simply aiming to improve themselves, maladaptive perfectionists set themselves unrealistic or even impossible standards. Then, when they understandably don’t reach these standards, they listen to their inner critic whispering in their ear and telling them they’re a failure. The result is anxiety, unhappiness and falling self-esteem. At worst, this type of perfectionism can lead to clinical issues, including depression, eating disorders and even suicide.
Feedback becomes very difficult
In the workplace, healthy, adaptive perfectionists are likely to be highly motivated individuals who enjoy their career success. Unhealthy perfectionists, on the other hand, likely suffer from low productivity and missed deadlines. To these people, decisions can be pure agony, as their peace of mind depends on never being wrong. Plus, they are major procrastinators. Fear of failure can paralyse them and make it impossible for them to do their work. Even small tasks can seem daunting when failure is a possibility. Fundamentally, their thought processes tell them: if they don’t do the tasks, then they can’t fail at them.
This seriously spoils their enjoyment of work. “Over-thoroughness and exaggerated detailmindedness not only reduce the perfectionist’s productivity, but also sour the subjective experience of performing tasks,” says Mallinger.
Giving feedback can be another very difficult issue when dealing with perfectionists. We all benefit from helpful feedback, but overly rigid perfectionists have difficulty even with constructive criticism and can lash out defensively at what they perceive to be direct and personal condemnation.
Ironically, this negative attitude prevents perfectionists from achieving — wait for it, yes — perfection. Life is a learning process and we can all learn from our mistakes. By running away from failure, we stop ourselves from developing as individuals and employees.
Not all perfectionist behaviour is directed internally, however. “Others-oriented” perfectionists direct their demands at others, unrealistically expecting them to be perfect. So, the colleagues of perfectionists can also suffer, says Mallinger. “No matter how well they do a piece of work, it rarely is accepted without qualification. Often, it has to be corrected or redone more than once because of trivial objections.”
Unhealthy perfectionism has its roots in a neurotic fear of failure and is the enemy of success
Dealing with perfectionism
Annabel Demoitié says that you should look out for the following characteristics of perfectionism in your colleagues: They have high standards. They can’t abide mediocrity and always want to come first. To them, second place means “first loser”.
They have a great sense of responsibility and take a lot on.
They like to be in control and want things done their way — and their way only.
They aim to please people. They want to be liked and accepted and are afraid of confrontation. This desire for approval can lead perfectionists to focus more on what other people say about their efforts than on the work itself — and then to forget about their own needs. They don’t know how to be assertive. They tend either to be overly aggressive or to suck it all up.
Once you have identified your colleague, manager or, indeed, yourself as a perfectionist, the next step is to work out what to do about it. To start with, try to learn to take the good with the bad. Working for a perfectionist boss who is hypercritical and no good at delegating can be both difficult and demoralizing. On the other hand, their high standards can push you and your team to achieve your very best.
To prevent perfectionists from procrastinating, offer them projects that they can easily complete. And ensure that they’re in the right role — for example, not in managerial roles, where they might demand too much of others. Unless, that is, their positive qualities are likely to outweigh the costs. Also, give feedback cautiously and in small measures when dealing with perfectionists. Tip: Why not ask the individual’s advice on how best to give them feedback?
Perfect your imperfection
And what if, while reading this article, you recognize more and more perfectionistic traits in yourself? Well, there is no need to panic. Remember that the right level of perfectionism can spell out certain success. You can proudly flaunt the perfectionist label as long as you have the right attitude and your perfectionism is of the healthy sort.
And what if you can feel that healthy perfectionism flipping over into the unhealthy kind? First, relax. Recognition that change is needed is the first step towards self-improvement. Second, relax again. Learn to accept that real success comes from appreciating a job well done, even if it’s not perfect in every respect.
Set priorities, set deadlines, make a plan and then try to let go of control, advises Annabel Demoitié. Most importantly, tell your employees and yourself that it’s OK to make mistakes. It’s not a disaster if you get something wrong. Learn to forgive yourself and others.
Finally, try to redefine your own definition of success. Praise yourself for making someone happy or doing a good deed, for example. “A lot of people attach their self-worth to what they do and not to who they are as a person. We have to reach a state of self-acceptance and self-love,” says Demoitié.
So, if you didn’t put in a perfect performance at work today, but you’ve done your best, pat yourself on the back. In itself, such an admission is part of being perfect — perfectly candid and balanced. And tomorrow, if you shoot for the moon but land among the stars, sit back, take it easy and enjoy the view.
It’s not a disaster if you get something wrong. Learn to forgive yourself and others