American Life M US +

Ginger Kuenzel on what’s happening stateside

MEDIUM US PLUS

How do you react when someone says or does something you don’t agree with? Do you argue, or do you change the subject? I find that most people’s minds are so firmly made up these days that it’s nearly impossible to discuss issues. We’re divided on nearly everything: racism, voting rights, free speech, immigration, gun control, healthcare, vaccinations, and more. It seems there’s nothing that the two sides, right and left, can agree upon.

As a college student firmly opposed to the Vietnam War, I had heated conversations with my dad, who worked for the CIA. We were never going to agree on U.S. involvement in Vietnam, but at least we could listen to each other and debate. Today, the divisiveness in the U.S. is much more extreme, with friends and families often torn apart. We can only hope that time will heal the wounds.

Combating the pandemic, a common enemy, should surely have provided an opportunity to unite. But even that turned political, right from the start. Those on the right feel the left invented the virus to shut down our economy and hurt Trump. Many refuse to wear a mask or get vaccinated, and see these as infringing on their rights.

If your parents refused to get vaccinated, would you tell them they couldn’t see their grandchildren? If your cousin didn’t get vaccinated, would you refuse to meet her for coffee?

Let’s take it a step further. If a friend said police brutality against Black people was justified because they commit more crimes and are thus more dangerous, what would you say? You’re not likely to change their mind by presenting the facts, but it’s hard to let an absurd statement like that stand. We know from history what happens when people start believing lies and don’t stand up to injustice. Perhaps you’d decide that your friend’s values are too far removed from your own, and you’d abandon the friendship. With family members, however, it’s harder to do that.

I struggle with this dilemma today more than I ever have in the past. I’ve been able to save some relationships by avoiding the issues on which we disagree. But in other relationships, the anger is so raw, so close to the surface, that we now simply avoid meeting each other.

I hope we’ll eventually find some common ground on which we can rebuild our relationships. Right now, it’s hard to imagine what that common ground might be. But in the case of relationships that are worth saving, we need to keep searching – no matter how impossible it might seem now.