Carte Blanche

Intimate Instant Texts with the Ads of Beirut

DRIVER (cynical)

Let’s just hope I get to work on time today.

ADS (Unimpressed)

I wish you were a bit more far-sighted…

DRIVER

Really?

ADS (Excited)

Of course. There’s more to life than getting to work on time right now. For example, your toilet is filthy; you better clean it when you get home – with this

#Justsaying.

DRIVER

Hey it’s not filthy. Well, OK why not, I’ll try your spanking new detergent, got it.

ADS

It literally obliterates 100%* of nasty germs— *Check which germs on the back of the label!

DRIVER (Frustrated)

—OK! I said OK Perfect. Oh, and you actually wear that suit to work? Please!

DRIVER

What’s wrong with my suit?

ADS

It’s too old-fashioned. A little cheap too. How about this one?

DRIVER

Man, I can’t afford that now, so—

ADS

Oh, by the way, I know you don’t drink and drive, but I’m just double-checking. Don’t drink and drive.

DRIVER

Um. OK.

ADS (Stoked)

Scratch that; let’s have a tall, cool drink tonight and pretend everything is fine and dandy! Yes/no?

DRIVER

Maybe, yeah, we could.

ADS (Thrilled)

Speaking of drinks and cars – with no down payment whatsoever* you can totally take home this 4X4! (It’s much better than that pile of junk you’re driving) *terms and conditions apply.

DRIVER

No down payment? Really?

ADS (Ecstatic)

Yes! And speaking of super-low down payments, you also kinda need your own place, don’t you? It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3**

**more terms and conditions—talk about that later!

DRIVER (Confused)

I kind of need to get to work now

ADS

Boring. And forever alone. You know why? Because diamonds are your best friend. And you’re flying solo

DRIVER

Come on, seriously?

ADS

Yes. But don’t worry. I have a deal for you. For a small price, you could, in fact win tons and tons of cash!

DRIVER (Blown away)

Yes! How do I sign up?

ADS

About that… Hey look, you just got to work! And on time. Good for you! TTYL!