He only wants to be friends with ben­e­fits

Daily Nation (Barbados) - - Entertainment - – A.B – CHRIS­TINE

Dear Chris­tine, I am 25 years old. I was mar­ried at 20 and di­vorced two years later. I then be­came in­volved in a very in­com­pat­i­ble match that took me away from friends and fam­ily. Thank God, I came to my senses.

Since then, I have avoided re­quests for se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ships and opted in­stead for see­ing more than one per­son. I have now be­come at­tached to one guy in par­tic­u­lar. He is five years older than I am and I have known him al­most five months.

We have what I would call an ar­range­ment or “friends with ben­e­fits”. How­ever, I no longer want this. I want to take our re­la­tion­ship to the next level be­cause I have grown to love him.

He has not voiced the same sen­ti­ments. He said he was hurt in the past and doesn’t want to be hurt again, so he doesn’t get deeply in­volved. He sends me mixed sig­nals, and I am con­fused. He doesn’t call for weeks, then calls sev­eral times a week “just to talk.”

We go out oc­ca­sion­ally. He sends me cute emails and gives me gifts from time to time.

I am there when he has time for a “girl­friend” type, but I don’t know where I stand with him. Should I wait it out or just let him go? I want our re­la­tion­ship to progress, but I feel him hold­ing back. What should I do? Dear A.B, I think this man has made it clear that he does not want a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship. You are still very young. With a failed mar­riage be­hind you, and a re­bound re­la­tion­ship that didn’t work out, it’s time to slow down and re­alise that last­ing re­la­tion­ships take time to build.

My ad­vice is to stop ask­ing for a com­mit­ment. He’s not ready. Fill your spare time with friends and other dates. When he calls, don’t al­ways be in­stantly avail­able. Show some in­de­pen­dence. Stop this “friends with ben­e­fits” re­la­tion­ship and save your­self for that spe­cial some­one who wants be in a com­mit­ted re­la­tion­ship with you. Quit wait­ing for this man to come around. I don’t think he will.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Barbados

© PressReader. All rights reserved.