He only wants to be friends with benefits
Dear Christine, I am 25 years old. I was married at 20 and divorced two years later. I then became involved in a very incompatible match that took me away from friends and family. Thank God, I came to my senses.
Since then, I have avoided requests for serious relationships and opted instead for seeing more than one person. I have now become attached to one guy in particular. He is five years older than I am and I have known him almost five months.
We have what I would call an arrangement or “friends with benefits”. However, I no longer want this. I want to take our relationship to the next level because I have grown to love him.
He has not voiced the same sentiments. He said he was hurt in the past and doesn’t want to be hurt again, so he doesn’t get deeply involved. He sends me mixed signals, and I am confused. He doesn’t call for weeks, then calls several times a week “just to talk.”
We go out occasionally. He sends me cute emails and gives me gifts from time to time.
I am there when he has time for a “girlfriend” type, but I don’t know where I stand with him. Should I wait it out or just let him go? I want our relationship to progress, but I feel him holding back. What should I do? Dear A.B, I think this man has made it clear that he does not want a serious relationship. You are still very young. With a failed marriage behind you, and a rebound relationship that didn’t work out, it’s time to slow down and realise that lasting relationships take time to build.
My advice is to stop asking for a commitment. He’s not ready. Fill your spare time with friends and other dates. When he calls, don’t always be instantly available. Show some independence. Stop this “friends with benefits” relationship and save yourself for that special someone who wants be in a committed relationship with you. Quit waiting for this man to come around. I don’t think he will.