Not ready to be his wife

Daily Nation (Barbados) - - Luck & Love - – G.H. – K.K.

Dear Chris­tine,

I KNOW MOST girls look for­ward to find­ing Mr Right, get­ting mar­ried and hav­ing ba­bies. Well, I don’t.

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. I just turned 20 and we have lived to­gether for the past year and a half.

Don’t get me wrong: I love him, but I feel like we moved too fast into our re­la­tion­ship and now he’s try­ing to keep it mov­ing as quickly as pos­si­ble.

He brings up the sub­ject of mar­riage all the time. I think he is go­ing to pro­pose but I don’t want to get mar­ried at this stage.

What should I say if he pops the ques­tion? I don’t want him to be an­gry with me if I say no. Dear K.K.,

I be­lieve you when you say you moved too quickly into your re­la­tion­ship. You shouldn’t be shack­ing up at 18.

Not want­ing to up­set some­one would be a very poor rea­son for get­ting mar­ried. If your boyfriend pops the ques­tion, just tell him you’re not ready for that kind of com­mit­ment. Also, tell him the re­la­tion­ship is mov­ing too quickly and you don’t think that mov­ing in to­gether was a good idea.

If he be­comes an­gry, that’s not a cue to say yes. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. Ei­ther he is will­ing to wait or he’s not. If he’s not, then he is not Mr Right. – CHRIS­TINE Dear L.B.,

You’re right. Un­til this man is le­gally di­vorced, you re­ally can­not ac­cept any mar­riage pro­posal, or should you pur­chase any land or house to­gether.

As a mat­ter of fact, you shouldn’t even be liv­ing to­gether.

If he is not mak­ing plans to fi­nalise that di­vorce, give him an ul­ti­ma­tum. That’s the best you can do now.

He may be “good” to you and your chil­dren, but he needs to make a clean, le­gal break from his wife. Un­til he does that, you are sim­ply liv­ing with an adul­terer who can­not give you the se­cure fu­ture you so badly need.


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