THERE WAS A TIME when men understood proper logic. Women didn’t; their brains aren’t wired that way.
Like, my wife of over 40 years “fixes” the bed every morning – smoothing out the lie-down sheet, fluffing the pillows and folding the blanket into a little rectangle.
So every night you have to unfold the thing, find the long side and hopefully not put your mouth where your toes were the night before. I lived “batchy” before marriage and everything was left as slept in. Next night, shake out the dust and dog hair and you were ready to slumber.
I tell her this but she ignores me.
Nowadays, however, there’s a lot of big-breed logic going around and men are as guilty as women. Take this encounter between Bert, an English Bajan, and
Ernie, a basic Ossie Moore-type Bajan. Bert is using fancy logic on Ernie:
Bert: “Say, Ernie, I’ll bet you five dollars that I can prove you aren’t here!” Ernie: “You mekkin’ sport. The bet on!” Bert: “Okay, you’re not in Florida, right?” “Right!” “And you’re not in Arizona, right?” “Right!” “So if you’re not in Florida or Arizona, you must be somewhere else, right?” “Right!” “So if you’re somewhere else, you can’t be here. Hand over my five dollars!”
That had Ernie offset but he wasn’t beaten yet. So he said: “Wait a minute, I’m not in Florida, right?” “Right!” “And I’m not in Arizona, right?” “Right!” “So if I’m not in Florida or Arizona, I must be somewhere else, right?” “Right!” “So if I’m somewhere else, I can’t be here. So how the hell can I give you five dollars if I’m not here?”
Head ain’t brains! Apparently,
Adonijah pulled a big-breed logic recently. Some attorney claimed that from his experience 96 per cent of people charged with criminal offences admitted to using cannabis. This implied to the lawyer that the drug plays a significant role in criminal behaviour. Ado countered that 100 per cent of convicts drink water.
Does drinking water then contribute to criminal behaviour?
But Dr Trevor Shepherd debunked this logic. Cannabis can have mind-altering effects on some people. Water doesn’t. And the clincher: “So, Ado, would you get on a plane to Miami if you knew the pilot and co-pilot were high on ganja?” As compared to water, of course.
Be wary of big-breed logic. Peter Wickham would have us believe that pro-ccj Mia Mottley winning the election instead of anti-ccj Stuart was a “referendum of sorts” on Bajan support for the CCJ. No way, Peter. Before the election, Bajans were focused on removing an ineffective Government. The CCJ wasn’t an issue.
I read a novel recently where marijuana use was heavily involved. Apparently, when you’re high, you think you have deep insights into all sorts of issues. Like, one stoned guy observed that rocks are hard while sand, which is made up of tiny rocks, is soft. He therefore concluded that “hard and soft are really the same thing”. (Let’s wish him luck convincing his girlfriend of that!)
Could it be that marijuana use is contributing to all the fake logic going around? Like men wanting to use women’s bathrooms because they feel at that time they are women? I don’t know.
Anyhow, I’m asking the shooters out there to lay down the guns and let the already stressed people of Barbados enjoy Christmas. Maybe next year some activist will start a lobby for the legalisation of murder, just like marijuana.
Actually, it’s perfectly logical. The big-ups say execution isn’t a deterrent to murder. So it should be abolished.
Well, prison sentences certainly aren’t a deterrent to anything so why not abolish them too? ($30 000 per prisoner per year to achieve nothing!) Legalise murder and save on all those lawyer fees.
I contemplated shooting a grandson last Tuesday. I was struggling with this column. Fell asleep at the computer. He took the opportunity to draw a funny face on the bald spot at the back of my head with a marker pen. Everybody laughing.
On second thought, I won’t shoot him. I’ll just publish the name of that girl at school he’s secretly, and madly, in love with. Don’t mess with Grandpas, boy!