I con­fess Karma catches up with you

UK Barbados Nation - - EDITORIAL -

A LOT OF PEO­PLE don’t be­lieve in karma. But I do.

I be­lieve the good that you do fol­lows and so does the bad.

I used to hear my mum talk about that all of the time. She took my fa­ther’s wom­an­is­ing and drink­ing and never once re­tal­i­ated.

When I com­plained that she was stupid to tol­er­ate his ac­tions, she told me one day he would have to pay.

Her words came to pass. In his late 50s, months af­ter she left him, he had a stroke and had a mis­er­able time for the few months he lived af­ter that. He died alone and lonely.

My pay­back for my sins came re­cently. My boyfriend brought a woman into our house and had re­la­tions with her on our bed. It was a dis­re­spect­ful act and demon­strated he cared lit­tle about our re­la­tion­ship.

Same bed

Al­though I broke up with him, I knew I had that com­ing be­cause I did the same thing to a mar­ried woman when I was barely out of my teens. Her hus­band was my first boyfriend and I used to take plea­sure in hav­ing sex in the same bed he and his wife slept in. It used to make me laugh after­wards when I saw them at church look­ing like the per­fect cou­ple when I knew he used to en­joy be­ing with me more than he did with her.

So yes, I de­served the horn my now ex-boyfriend gave me. It hurts like hell, but I will re­bound from it be­cause I be­lieve I have paid my dues for my wicked­ness to that mar­ried woman and, I must ad­mit, to my ex-boyfriend’s girl­friend, who I horned to get him.

I wanted him and took him from his then girl­friend be­cause she was in­ter­ested in mar­riage, not re­al­is­ing all he was about was sex. So the more I gave him, the less he wanted to see her, un­til he even­tu­ally broke it off with her. Then he turned around and did the same thing to me.

With­out con­science

The whole episode got me think­ing about men. I have come to the con­clu­sion that they are like robots, pro­grammed to act with­out con­science. That is the only way to ex­plain why they cheat on their women and put them through hell. They would never like us to do the same thing to them, yet they con­tin­u­ally do it to us.

But I am a re­al­ist: few men are ever faithful to their part­ners. So when I start look­ing for a re­la­tion­ship again, all I want is some­one who has enough re­spect for me that when he steps out he is dis­creet about it, pro­tects him­self, and does it with some­one who does not get into my face after­wards. I can’t take that.

But for some women, it seems that is all they know. They cheat with the man but when he would not leave his woman for them, they turn on the woman and try to black­ball her into walk­ing away from the re­la­tion­ship so they can get the man for them­selves.

I feel women should not de­mean them­selves by curs­ing other women over a man. When a woman gets in­volved with a man who has a woman she should be sen­si­ble enough to re­alise that the man is usu­ally just out for sex – this is par­tic­u­larly true of mar­ried men. Few of them ever leave their wives.

Out­side woman

If the man is liv­ing with his girl­friend or has a vis­it­ing re­la­tion­ship with her, then the out­side woman may stand a chance of get­ting him for her­self; but even then, when you get a man by such wicked means, you nor­mally lose him in the same way.

What has me cu­ri­ous, though, is what my ex told the woman he cheated on me with. I don’t know what he promised her, but she ob­vi­ously thought their re­la­tion­ship had a fu­ture be­cause she would call his cell­phone even af­ter he reached home.

He used to keep the con­ver­sa­tions brief, but be­cause of the hushed tones he spoke in I re­alised he was try­ing to con­ceal some­thing. Af­ter a few days of this I told him point blank that I felt he was up to some­thing and he should come clean. As to be ex­pected, he de­nied any­thing was amiss.

For nearly two weeks after­wards, he got home early ev­ery evening from work and switched off his phone as soon as he came through the door. The only time he used a phone was to speak with his brother and mother, and that was on our home phone.

Emo­tional con­nec­tion

Though those evenings to­gether were ter­rific, it was clear that some­thing was wrong. Maybe it was be­cause he seemed to be try­ing so hard to re­lax or just my fe­male in­tu­ition, hav­ing been an out­side woman be­fore. And I was right.

I would ad­vise any woman who is in a re­la­tion­ship or pur­su­ing one to recog­nise a cou­ple of things so they would not get hurt.

One is that many men are afraid of an emo­tional con­nec­tion but have all the time in the world for sex. If that man is reluctant to con­nect with you on a deeper emo­tional level, per­haps he is not the one for you.

Se­condly, even though you have been hurt in the past and may have trust is­sues, you have got to get past that if you hope to con­nect emo­tion­ally to some­one. If you are so closed off that you find it hard to share your in­ner­most feel­ings with him, there will be lit­tle be­tween you to es­tab­lish the emo­tional bond that unites cou­ples way past the ini­tial lust phase.

So, as dif­fi­cult as it is, you have to trust a man and leave your­self vulnerable in or­der to form that emo­tional bond needed for a long-term re­la­tion­ship. Good luck.

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