From a junkie addicted to methamphetamines to a federal judge, Mary Beth O'Connor's memoir shares her inspiring journey from rock bottom to resilience as she forged a personal path to recovery from trauma and addiction.
Silver Award, 2023 Nonfiction Book Awards
Searing, unsettling, and ultimately triumphant, Judge O'Connor's debut memoir takes readers on a wild ride through the rock-bottom underbelly of intravenous drug addiction to the hallowed halls of justice where she rose to the pinnacle of success as a federal judge.
With wit and unabashed honesty, O’Connor shares her remarkable three-phase journey: the abuse and trauma that drove her to teenage drug use, the chaos that ensued from her addiction; and how she developed a personalized secular recovery plan that led to twenty-nine years of sobriety. Her story proves any addict can recover and anyone can build a productive and happy life, no matter how low the bottom or how deep the pain.
Within a week of being born, O’Connor was dropped off at a convent. When she was brought into her home, her mother focused on her own needs and desires, ignoring her young child. When she was nine, her stepfather kicked her in the stomach for spilling milk, beat her when she didn’t clean a plate to his satisfaction, and molested her when she was twelve. A few months later, with her first sip of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill wine, her life changed. She felt euphoric and relaxed. So she got drunk as often as possible, adding pot, then pills, then acid. At sixteen, she found her drug of choice--methamphetamine. With her first snort, she experienced true joy for the first time. When this high was no longer sufficient, she turned to the needle and shot up.
During the next sixteen years, she descended into a severe meth addiction, working her way down the corporate ladder, destroying relationships, and shattering her physical and emotional well-being.
At thirty-two, she entered rehab, where she was ordered to submit to the 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. As an atheist, turning her will and her life over to a higher power was not an option, and she refused to agree she was powerless. Told to comply or fail, she bravely created a new path that combined ideas from multiple programs and even incorporated some AA concepts.
Clean and sober now for more nearly three decades, she is proof that anyone can find their sober self, their best self, no matter how far they have fallen. Along with her inspiring story, she offers a comprehensive checklist of questions for readers to ask themselves as they take the brave steps toward recovery, offering a powerful blueprint for personal change.
"I found this story, so honest and compelling. It’s incredible to see how much the author overcame and then went on to become a judge. That kind of life story and experience has to give someone a great perspective when looking at how we treat other people under the law. A great read." —Lee Woodruff
"This is a sad but ultimately uplifting story. Recommended."—Library Journal
“There is often an unspoken hierarchy in the recovery community, with IV drug users unofficially labeled ‘least likely to succeed.’ Mary Beth’s story counters that assumption in the most inspiring way. Her tale of trauma, loss, and ultimate victory over addiction is a testament to the strength of empowerment approaches to recovery like Women for Sobriety. If you are struggling with the idea that there is only one way to get sober, you need to read this book!”
Adrienne Miller, Women for Sobriety president and CEO
“Judge O’Connor casts an unflinching gaze over the past to explore the factors that contributed to her demise into drugs, abusive relationships and self-harm, and the resources that helped her build an empowered life. Harrowing and hopeful, her story assures readers that recovery is possible.”
Jean McCarthy, podcast host of The Bubble Hour, author of the Unpickled series
