SURVIVING LOSS
In her new book, a mother tells how she gets comfort from her late daughter’s spirit.
The incredible Julia Farmer has just published an amazing book. Going by the pen name, Lilibet Rain, her new book is titled, Growing Happiness. The book is based on some of the hurdles that she met in her journey of life ten years ago.
One of those challenges happens to be the loss of her beloved daughter, Fifi. In 2012, Fifi, was found murdered in South Africa, and it would emerge that her ex- fiancé was the culprit. Farmer started writing the book in 2017, but it was completed during the Covid- 19 pandemic, when there was a lot of loss around the world. Farmer is a teacher, and business woman. She has written over 20 Home Economics and Art books, and continues to regularly write on topics such as Organic Gardening in local and digital magazines.
While she does not want to give away too much information, she explains that her daughter saved her. Her spirit visited her, and opened her eyes and heart about what she wished for her. Speaking in an interview with this publication, she explains that she wants to help other people who have gone through major losses, by reading her story and how she navigated her way by not just surviving but finding herself in the process as well. And most importantly, learning how to love herself. The ever optimistic and cheerful Farmer, who radiates warmth and sunshine, believes that she did not go through these hurdles for nothing, and she experienced all of these so that she could help other people. “Experience is the best teacher, and I used these negative experiences to become a better version of myself, and that I want what my late daughter would have wanted,” she explains. She is yet to get the soft copy. The book was published in America, but she has already had several of her friends who have sent pictures of them holding the book. The day that she will hold the book will be a special one. In her usual cheerful manner, she shares an interesting story of how she found her Publisher. It is that interesting story that partly motivated her to go ahead and write this book. She has been a big fan of Hay House ( her publisher) for many years as they help people with books on healing and all sort of transformational type of books. They also have live summits, where people talk about their healing journey. One day, she visited the Hay House website, and found a part that spoke about writing your own book. One of the things that she needed to complete was giving her bank details, and she thought that she did not have funds for the book.
She quit, and they started sending her emails, which she ignored. And one day, they called her, and said, we see that you really want to write your book. And the rest is history.
They offered her a special publishing package, which was a lovely package with discounts, but still she was quite not sure. Soon, a call from Baobab Press came. And by that time, she had some inheritance and could pay for it. Knowing that at the end of the day, the book would be published gave her a chance to pour out her heart. “It was not easy to write about some of the real challenges I went through, especially the loss of my daughter. But I knew that as I was self- publishing, the book would come out,” she explains.
During the process, all of her emotions came out. Every time she would go to her daughter’s shrine and meditate, and could then write painful words. “It was part of my healing journey to put what had happened. The part of losing my daughter was very final. Once I wrote down what happened, I could not have doubts that It has happened. I went through great sadness. A great loss, grief, and went through all the emotions, including guilt,” explains Farmer.
But as she carried on, she experienced peace knowing that she was doing what her daughter wants, which is for her to be happy.
She also notes that it has been a great sense of accomplishment. And that this is the best thing that she can do for her angel.
The universal message that she wants her readers to take with them after reading the book is that life throws curve balls and it is up to us to play victim or hero.
“We can wallow in pain and sadness that can lead to depression and suicide because that is not what our loved ones would want us to do. We all go through such things. Or we can all grow happiness,” she points out.
The book is about healing, but that you can’t heal when you do not have a driving force. In her case, her driving force happened to be Organic farming, which helped her get through the worst of times.
She shares that the book is available online on platforms that include Amazon, and Baobab Press, to mention a few. She is also working on ordering 100 copies, where readers can pre- order, and pre pay, and get a signed copy, and book mark.
The feedback has been amazing, she says. A friend of hers who is based in New Zealand always uses Farmers story to get herself up when she is going through a tough time.
Giving a glimpse about the events of 2012, She explains that they got the shocking news that her daughter was found murdered. It didn’t take long for the truth to come out, and her ex- fiance was the culprit. It was shocking, we knew him, he had been her fiancé for three years, spent time with us, and helped out at the Kingfisher Farm. The news was very shocking to them. Farmer has a preexisting heart condition, and she knew that if she did not do better when it comes to dealing with her pain, she would end up leaving her other daughter.
“The heart condition forced me to handle it,” she explains. On top of that, she shares that Fifi visited her from the other world. Her spirit came to her. “I had this experience, the day after we got to Joburg, and the information came out, I did not want to live anymore and I did not want to get out of bed; her spirit came to me. And we did not know that he was the murderer, and she said to me, I have forgiven him, we should forgive him, and she wanted me to be happy,” she highlights.
This is why early on, during her healing journey, she made a commitment to be happy, because that is the one thing that she could do for her daughter. It is her spirit that kept me going, and realising that if I didn’t keep going, I would not be helping anyone. Jean Hopkins, speaks highly of this book. She explains that it is a personal and moving memoir of a difficult life experience. It also shares how recovery can be made with determined self- belief, blooming hard graft and a tremendous support, no mater how many times you are knocked down, she says.
“Using her creativity, her love of the natural world and of being of service to others, our author finds her purpose in life again. A humbling and inspirational book,” writes Hopkins.