The self-stigma of being young, HIV+ and gay
Stigma against People Living With HIV has been understood to mean discrimination and unfair treatment from other people against the infected. Twenty-year-old HIV activist, Pontsho Sekisang, shares her journey of self-stigma after testing HIV positive.
From when she was born in 1997, Sekisang believes she was gay. Although she was born male, she felt more of a girl than a boy, which made her believe she was born special.
Speaking this week at the launch of a study into the stigma faced by People Living With HIV (PLWHIV), Sekisang explained that when she was in Standard Two, she felt different and had a crush on another boy.
Since she was still a child, she did not know what the feelings meant. Event in Standard Four, Sekisang’s feelings to men increased as she also crushed on her male teacher. At that point, she knew she was different from other male children.
“My family bought me boy clothes such as six pocket pants, T-shirts, sandals and others, but I saw them as ugly.
“I always knew I was a girl just that I was born with a body of a man.
“While I was in junior school I decided to go out there and explore life.”
The experience was horrifying. Sekisang says she was sexually attacked by other men.
“At the time I was a diva and I started dating at senior school.
“I became intimate but I had no one to guide me on how to behave as a young gay person.
“I was wild and went partying with my friends but two different men raped me at different times. “I did not go report at the police because I told myself it was done and there was nothing I could not do anything about it,” she said.
Even though her friends left her with the culprit, Sekisang said they believed they had left her in safe hands. Little did they know she was going to be attacked.
Since she was very health conscious, in 2016, Sekisang decided to go for an HIV test, only to test positive. When going for the test, she was not sick or had any symptoms but wanted a routine HIV test. At the time, the Treat-All initiative had just been introduced and Sekisang enrolled.
At first, she says she was scared of disclosing her status but knew she had to share it with family. The self-stigma began.
“My mother is a Christian and after also hearing my family gossiping about people who had HIV, I was scared of how they would react after knowing my status.
“I later disclosed it to my aunt who was very close to my mother.
“The aim was for my aunt to tell my mother on my behalf and I was relieved when the conversation went better than I expected. “My aunt told her sister and my mother later told me that they were aware of my status and gave me support.”
Sekisang however attempted to lie to her mother, telling her the antiretroviral drugs (ARVs) she was taking were for her recent circumcision.
“My mother told me that ‘mogal I know that those pills are ARVs and you are HIV positive’. “I expected a different reaction but she has been supportive ever since and I felt relieved that she knows.
“I saw that I had been a burden on myself with that secret and self-stigma while I could have made things easier for myself by telling my family.
“I also wanted to publicly disclose so that I do not have to always tell my partner that I am HIV positive but was afraid of being stigmatised.”
Sekisang publicly disclosed after reading a serial Facebook publication called ‘Two Wrongs In Maun’. At the time, the author had a storyline where a character that was HIV positive and going through a lot.
“I related to that character and decided to share my story on the page.
“I got a lot of positive feedback where some people also publicly disclosed their statuses and shared their stories,” she said.
Sekisang said many people encouraged and commended her for publicly disclosing her status. However, there were negative comments here and there, with people accusing her of seeking attention. She did not take the negative comments to heart and felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off her shoulders.
Sekisang was later called for radio interviews and with the positive feedback, felt determined to continue sensitising the public about HIV.
Not everything has been smooth however. “I have been mocked by health practitioners,” she said.
“One once told me that my HIV positive status was possibly a punishment from God.
“I don’t listen to them and I’m living my life to the fullest.
“I also encourage my fellow HIV activists to enjoy life, live it to the fullest and continue sensitising people about HIV. “Let’s stop self-stigma.”
Sekisang shared her journey as part of the launch of the People Living With HIV Stigma Study 2022 Report this week. The PLWHIV Stigma Index 2.0 Study, implemented by and for PLWHIV, uses a standardised questionnaire to gather information on the experiences of PLWHIV related to stigma, discrimination and their rights. The primary objective of the study is to inform the country on the magnitude and factors associated with stigma and discrimination between PLWHIV and their diverse community in the country.
The study aims to document the various experiences of PLWHIV within a particular community or country regarding stigma and discrimination, compare the PLWHIV situation within one country or across different countries regarding a particular issue as well as measure changes over a period.
It also seeks to answer questions such as: “Has the situation with respect to stigma, discrimination, and rights of PLWHIV worsened or improved over the last couple of years in a particular community?”.