On the politics of body-shaming
The other day some irrelevant menopausal hag made a snide remark about my body within ear-shot of me.
I rolled my eyes and just ignored her because I’m used to her saying nasty things about me behind my back. Mme ke fa ke ipotsa gore sabuthwane hela yo motwane o lekanang le serope, ka nko e ka reng mamanthwane a ithwele, ke eng a tshwenyegile ka figure ya me?Hehe!
Jealousy is the freedom of fools: some people will latch onto anything they assume to be your supposed “flaw” to try and make you feel insecure and inferior, when you’re ‘nyising’ them. But the nastiness is a confident boost because if someone can go all out to scrutinise you and try to offend and upset you or tear you down, it shows that they see something great in you that they desperately want to diminish. I am the girl I think I am: I am enough, and I refuse to be gaslighted. I grew up in a home where I was appreciated, respected, loved and affirmed positively, so you cannot knock a self-esteem that was built over three decades. Most notably, I don’t owe anyone a ramp model’s figure. In fact, my ‘thunder thighs’ which some people mock, are my prized asset. When I am naked, staring at myself on my wall mirror, massaging my flabby belly, stretch marks and having a lil’ talk with my cute coochie, I smile at my thighs because they are gorgeous. Ke dirope tsa mohumagadi, kgosigadi– mohala dipitsa ka sebele. Khi!
But silliness aside, humans are, and will always be diverse and everyone’s difference is beautiful, so we must encourage everyone to be comfortable in their skin. As much as we should all strive to be fit and healthy, it is inconsiderate and rude to mock people based on their appearance. Some people are the way they are by choice, but others have some challenges that they are battling with. When someone is skinny, losing weight or underweight, they know it. They might be ill, depressed, or struggling to gain weight due to some health condition. When someone is obese, overweight or putting on weight, they know it. They possibly eat a lot or don’t exercise, but they might also have a health condition, or be dealing with experiences that have led them to emotional eating or chronic exhaustion.
So, it is important to be empathetic, and if you cannot help someone, mind your own waistline, instead of projecting your fears and insecurities on them.
People usually tease each about their appearance: their complexion, height, weight, features: shape of their heads, noses, ears, foreheads etc, but some people get carried away. We should always remember that there is a difference between someone joking, a itshamekela, and them being downright nasty e le go nyenyafatsa le go sotla.
I thought about this during that Sadi body-shaming incident of last year. It is unfortunate that her little “secret” was exposed publicly, but the “concern” over her changing figure had given leeway to bullies to attack her; largely those who were envious and jealous of her, le ba ba bitter gore o ba ganne. Sadi is gorgeous, and as much as we should appreciate her beauty and talent as a celebrity, we should also accept that she is also human, and that like everyone else, she is not perfect. We cannot expect people to fit into the mould of our ideas and expectations. Even if her newly formed round bums and hips are enhancers, maybe she wants a buxom figure. It is nothing new for women to enhance their looks.