Let’s talk about sex baby (Part 1)
Sex is a taboo subject, especially in the conservative society of Botswana. Despite this, Dr Karabo Thokwane has decided to dedicate her life to it and the study of sexology.
Her passion is not just helping couples and individuals with their sexual difficulties and all things intimacy related but empowering people to live a sexually fulfilled and healthy life. SunHealth chats to her to find out what sexology is all about and to talk about one of the most important aspects of health, sex.]
GOOD DAY DR THOKWANE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. PLEASE GIVE US A LITTLE INSIGHT INTO YOUR BACKGROUND?
I am a sister, a daughter and my most important job… a mom to a very outspoken and opinionated 7 years old.
YOU ARE A MEDICAL DOCTOR CERTIFIED SEX COACH AND CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST. TAKE US THROUGH YOUR JOURNEY TO WHERE YOU ARE NOW?
I have always been interested in sexology. In my 4th year of medical school at Nelson R. Mandela School of Medicine (University of Kwazulu-Natal), I was lucky enough to be attached to a sexologist during my family medicine rotation. I was so fascinated and intrigued and thought this is what I want to do. When I was done with Medical School, coming back home, such did not exist. I actually looked through the specialisation curriculums in Sexual Medicine and I realised that it was not what I wanted to do. The courses were more of sexual medicine than clinical sexology… But the passion was still there and I managed to express it through conducting small group educational sessions for women. I remember in 2014/2015 I was talking to my friend Treasure Mothobi, and he pointed out that I needed to be more inclusive and extend my sessions to men as well. He highlighted that men would also benefit from the teachings from a perspective of giving pleasure and the challenges that they might be experiencing. It took me a while to consider including men in my groups but I did… eventually… depending on the subject matter. I am yet to have a men only educational session. I then joined the African Society of Sexual Medicine in 2016 and they had an online course that one could undertake which helped expand my clinical knowledge from medical school. In honesty, we don’t really spend a lot of time in medical school exploring sexological issues in detail. And despite my background as a doctor, I still had a bit of imposter syndrome and felt that I needed more education and credentials that could potentially help me trust myself even more, to speak from a position of authority. I kept on searching for courses that upon completion would meet my objectives. I eventually landed on the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists ( AASECT) website. I found institutions that they recognised and accredited for membership and I went through their different curriculums and found the one that I felt bridged my gaps and also really focusing on clinical sexology. I enrolled and the rest is history. So I am currently a member of African Society of Sexual Medicine, World Association of Sex Coaches and World Association of Sexual Health. And I am considering applying for membership with the American College of Sexologists and the American Board of Sexologists.
GROWING UP, WHAT SEX EDUCATION DID YOU RECEIVE AND WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON SEX EDUCATION IN BOTSWANA?
a. When growing up, the only education I received was in school. In Junior secondary school, I was a member of PACT, so there was some additional information over and above what was in the curriculum, but can I say I understood sexuality matters.. NO!
b. Talking about Sex is still very much a taboo. I believe the first step is unlocking those conversations. And one person that I would like to acknowledge in that regard is Dr Gure. I think he has done a lot in that regard, especially for the younger generation. Sexology looks at what we think and feel about sex and this is much intergrated into how we socialise, our culture and religion. . . so when we educate we need to always have that at the fore front and use those as
our friends. I think we forget that we have come from far when it comes to sexuality education… think Bogwera and Bojale. Now how do we bring Bogwera and Bojale closer with scientific evidence. Furthermore, what we sometimes forget is that we are sexual beings from the cradle to the grave, so it is important to have sexuality education incorporated into the curriculums from pre education to the elderly, (yes, elderly people are sexual beings with sexual urges). These all structured in an age appropriate way.
THE TERM “SEXOLOGIST” STILL RINGS UNFAMILIAR WITH MANY PEOPLE. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DOES WORK AS A CLINICAL SEXOLOGIST INVOLVE?
a. Sexology is quite broad, and integrates a lot of fields but loosely speaking, it’s what we do, and what think and feel about sex. So it’s the mind, emotions, body, spirit and energy (Dr Patti Britton’s MEBES model), It’s the legal framework for sexual expression and practice, it’s the culture, its religion, its gender issues etc. Therefore, when seeing a sexological client it’s important to understand them and their environment. And it’s not just about sex, it’s about intimacy.
b. Clinical sexology is quite broad and can include nurses, doctors, physiotherapists, psychologists with additional training or skills in the area of sexology. There is some research that has been done to say, but what should be part of the curriculum to say that this person is a clinical sexologist. The same paper also showed that a lot of the times health care professionals don’t really bother registering with their respective professional bodies as it doesn’t really change their practice as they practise within their respective scopes.
c.But there are people who can practice in the field of sexology who are not necessarily health care professionals, which emphasises the regulatory aspect. Health care professionals are guided by code of ethics as well as practicing standards that are meant to protect the client. Therefore, those who do not subscribe to these, might leave clients potentially vulnerable.
d.It’s rare that sexological issues are purely about sex. Sexologists can see individuals, couples and even address corporate concerns. And some examples are clients needing help regarding;
Diversity and inclusion in the workplace ● Sexual harassment
● Conflicting desire; where one partner might think they are not having enough sex while the other feels the same frequency is too much
● Conflicting values about monogamy
● Little or no sex in the relationship
● Performance concerns
● Communication style conflicts
● Negotiation Skills conflicts
● Exploring non Vanilla situations
● Erectile dysfunction
● Premature or delayed ejaculation
● Low libido
● Orgasmic concerns
● Reconnecting/ waking up intimacy, sometimes it’s just about enhancing solo or partnered pleasure Etc
IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SEX COACH AND A SEX THERAPIST?
Anyone can be a sex coach, but there are certified sex coaches and coaches governed by the standards and code of ethics of the World Association of Sex Coaches. But mostly, sex coaching remains mostly unregulated. Their work is present centered, looking into the future and they work with clients and not patients.
Sex Therapists tend to be licensed health care professionals with additional training in the field of sexual health. In most instances they also dwelve into the past and help patients to process.
Continues next week…