On minding your own sex life and the “matanyola” controversies!

Advocate Sidney Pilane recently caused a storm in a tea cup, when he used the word ‘matonyola’ in court proceedings, inciting the gay community and activists, among others, who felt that his use of the word was demeaning and insulting.

Pilane previously argued that “homosexuality is unAfrican” and that Botswana still has no room for homosexuality. I beg to differ. Many Batswana are becoming more progressive thinking and tolerant. Actually, nowadays some people don’t care if someone is gay, or if they have anal sex because batho ba busy ka matshelo a bone, ga ba na sepe le dikgang tsa matanyola. But it’s not necessarily the use of the word that is a source of brouhaha, but how certain quarters of society perpetuate hate through sexual prejudice, homophobia and heterosexism, and then hide behind morality and conservativeness. Mo gongwe mo ke go iphitlha ka monwana hela…

Look, you can have reservations about homosexuality or anal sex, but it doesn’t mean that it is wrong or people should be bullied out of it. Gape ga re a tshwanela go tshwenyega gore ba dira jang jalo jalo… bone ba itse, ke dilo tsa bone. In life it’s important to remember that not everything is about you. Wena

if you are straight, just focus on your man or woman and pleasing him/her because tsa matanyola a batho di ka lo diela go akanya.

It is ignorant to assume that homosexuality doesn’t exist, or that people don’t sleep with folk of the same gender. It is common knowledge that there are women who sleep with other women, and men who sleep with other men, a practice known as ‘after nine.’ It doesn’t even always mean that they are homosexual. Some people are just “bicurious” or sexually explorative, kana ba le mo go tsa bone hela.

For example, ‘economic’ homosexuality is a common practice, even here in Botswana, and contributes significantly to the number of MSMs (Men who sleep with men) in our communities.

I recall a popular social media commentator posted: ‘Is it matanyola only if it’s a man and a woman, or it applies to men only?’ It’s

a fitting question because some heterosexual couples have anal sex, which is often termed ‘chocolate box’. Anal sex is not a “gay thing.” Some people are just sexually explorative and kinky.

Everyone has the right and liberty to do what they want in their private lives, as long as they are not harming or hurting anyone, and everyone has the right to enjoy their privacy, without being harassed or violated. I recall I had a chat with some acquaintances and I pointed out that I don’t care who has sex with who or how because it’s none of my business. I have my own sex life to focus on; exploring the grand art of receiving cunnilingus and giving fellatio, and a dose of Karma Sutra in between, like mastering how to stimulate the inguinal canals. Ha! I agree with those who hold the sentiment that our Constitution needs to be overhauled: it is archaic, irrelevant, and not reflective of modern society. We also need to remember that in decriminalising Sections 164 and 165, the judges weren’t necessarily endorsing or legalising homosexuality, but merely instituting that the above-mentioned sections were discriminatory.

The important, valid question should be whether the law should govern people’s sex lives and control and dictate what they should or shouldn’t do in their private space? Selo sa ntlha hela, batho bao ga ba ke ba kokota ko ma ga lona ba re: “Ko ko…dumelang, ke tlile go adima marago, ke boa hale!”