MY JOURNEY TO TRANSITIONING FROM FEMALE TO MALE
My name is Onneile Sam and I am a 27-year-old transgender/ transsexual man. A trans man is a man who was assigned female at birth. The label of transgender man is not always interchangeable with that of transsexual man, although the two labels are often used in this way. Transgender is an umbrella term that includes different types of gender diverse people (including transsexual people). Many trans men choose to undergo surgical or hormonal transition, or both to alter their appearance in a way that aligns with their gender identity, but many other trans people do not do either of the two. I thought about aligning my sex with my gender at the age of 25, after a transgender camp which was hosted by the Rainbow Identity Association. It was through that camp that I realized that transitioning from female to male was possible in Botswana, as I met other trans people who had transitioned. I researched before I received psychotherapy, despite feeling that it was a waste of my time. However, after a couple of sessions with the psychologist, I realized that indeed it was important. Psychotherapy helped me deal with my childhood traumas and because of that, I was able to come out of the “closet” to my family for the second time. This also aided my family in transitioning psychologically for the journey that I had decided to embark on. My last psychotherapy session was with both my mum and a psychiatrist. The reason for this was for the doctor to make my mother aware of the path I had chosen, what it meant for me and my family, the challenges that may come with it as well as to get her consent.
After that last session, I was referred to see a gynecologist at Sekgoma Memorial Hospital. Unfortunately, the doctor did not know if the procedure of starting hormonal therapy for a pre- testosterone transgender man was allowed in Botswana. I was hurt because I felt like I was losing hope in lessening my gender dysphoria. For clarity, gender dysphoria is the feeling of distress or discomfort because of the difference between a person’s gender assigned at birth and their self-defined gender identity. This applies to both males who are assigned female at birth and females who were assigned male at birth.
People with gender dysphoria are normally transgender, however, there are cases of non-binary gender identities in which gender dysphoria is present.
Meeting a gynecologist who did not know the transitioning procedure may have been a setback but after some months, a few of my friends advised me to seek help from a private clinic in Gaborone. I saved up enough cash to cover the required payment. A few tests were done on me at Marina hospital. After those tests, I started hormonal therapy in May 2021. In the first weeks I felt depressed because all the changes I had expected from testosterone shots took a long time to surface. A few friends of mine and a transgender man who is already on hormones advised me to calm down and wait for the changes.
After 2 months I realized changes such as an increase of appetite, being emotional and angry sometimes. The level of libido has also increased and I felt that my voice is cracking. Ever Since I started taking hormones I feel less dysphoric about my body, even though some people think that I am a 19 year old boy. There are still people in my neighborhood who still discriminate and misgender me. However, I already knew that I would encounter such challenges, as I was made aware through psychotherapy sessions that transitioning was not an escape for transphobia. I have learnt that as long as I have the support of my family and a few people who have accepted me then, I needn’t worry about people who bring about negative energy. Lately I have been experiencing a challenge with some service providers, who seem to be confused about my identity card. I recall a time when a certain service provider refused to help me because she said my voice does not match with my identity card, this happened despite several explanations that I am a trans-sexual man who has just started hormonal therapy. Even with all these challenges, I have had attempts before, to change my gender marker at the department of civil and national registration. I would be really happy if my request is successful because having an identity document that does not match my gender identity deters me from accessing a lot of services in my daily life.