Long-distances relationships and keeping the relo fires burning

I once briefly tried a long-distance relationship but halfway through I decided to call it quits. It wasn’t him; it was me. Look, it was early days but it felt like a part-time relo. Maybe the cold lonely nights were getting to me. The thought of getting a roll in the hay hundreds of kilometres away was also unromantic. It doesn’t help that I am an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ kind of person.

I had also established that my supposed dear friend wasn’t loyal, and when we did hook up it was like a meeting of strangers; we were not on the same emotional, intellectual and spiritual wavelength. You know that ‘Aha’

moment when you have to admit that you don’t really know someone and both have nothing in common.

It is often said absence makes the heart grow fonder. But too much absence creates an emotional drift between people.

Generally, successful relationships and marriages require time spent together in order to learn about or understand each other better. The relationship gurus among you would probably agree that the small things we often take for granted such as seeing, smelling, touching, chatting to and laughing with someone you love, and going from having serious discussions to chatting about the mundane and even sitting in silence, or going to the shops together to buy a loaf of bread, have the power to strengthen any union. Intimacy and closeness are not entirely about coital action or spooning but knowing and understanding each other from behaviour, moods, likes and dislikes to aura, and this is the level of closeness even video calls can’t capture.

But many couples find themselves in these scenarios of basing a relationship or marriage on calls and texts because of the distance between them, sometimes not by choice. Work is often the main reason couples get separated. And we all have to eat. Love doesn’t pay the bills.

Work transfers are a contentious issue. There was all round excitement when it was reportedly revealed government-employed couples who were separated by transfers would be reunited.

Transfer e jela ba le bantsi masole a mmele.A reliable mole in the system has told yours truly that while some couples have been relocated to areas close to their partners, others are still battling to be moved closer to their significant others and families.

This puts a strain not only on the way they relate on an emotional and psychological level and also depletes their resources - airtime, transport, fuel, cash for dates and condoms etc; these small things add up to hundreds and even thousands of Pula.

While behaviour is governed by individual values and principles, we cannot ignore the fact that people in long-distance relationships are more likely to cheat. It is hard to fight temptations when your partner is miles away and you have that ridiculous itch that needs a warm body. It becomes a case of ‘what he/she doesn’t know won’t hurt them.’ But secrets always come out.

It is not all doom and gloom though. There are some people who make long-distance relationships and marriages work. It probably requires a level of hope, faith, loyalty and trust. Relationships without trust are often besieged with problems.

Trust is an expensive but a necessary evil. When you have chosen to be with someone, you just trust them. Gape long-distance yone ga e batle batho ba ba sa iketlang mo moweng… wa ba bona ba e reng fela a go leleditse o santse o re:

a bo a setse a tlola a re: “O ko kae?” Uhu!