DICTATED SEXUALITY: THE JOURNEY OF SEXUALITY IS NEVER OUR DECISION

The general trajectories of our lives entail being born, getting an education, getting a job and to get married to a man or woman depending on your sex. This has become a non-derogatory culture in most African homesteads, where parents dictate which jobs you should aspire to. They regard certain occupations highly as opposed to others; being a teacher, police officer, soldier or nurse are the only occupations that we are to aspire to. Just like the career options, our sexuality is another aspect that families, culture, religion and education dictate in our lives. Sexuality is about our attractions, thoughts, sexual feelings and behaviors towards other people. The sexuality that is well promoted is that of heterosexuality. It is embedded sermonized to us from a minor age; through our guardians communicating their dreams and expectations for us to the syllabus we learn in schools. If you are female you know you are meant to end up with a man and vice versa. With regards to religion, Christianity to be exact, the first book of the Bible; Genesis introduces us to Adam and Eve the first man and woman to ever exist. The foundation of heterosexuality as the “norm” is laid down from that point on to date. People who tend to find themselves advocating for heterosexual relationships from a religious point of view tend to argue that God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. This goes on to affirm how we as individuals are only meant to aspire to being with just the opposite sex and nothing more. In the very same book of Genesis, there is the famous sinful cities of Sodom and Gomorrah that were destroyed with sulphur and fire along three other cities. Sodom and Gomorrah were associated with homosexual acts because of this “immorality” they were destroyed.

This goes to show just how other sexualities besides heterosexuality are not explored as they are viewed as sinful. Religion preaches on sex being an act within marriage with the sole purpose of procreating. Just like religion, education also plays a part in our sexuality. Take a walk in a biology lesson during the reproductive system topic. When it gets to the intercourse aspect of it, learners are introduced to heterosexual conduct. Think back to the first time you saw the guidelines of using a condom; the picture painted was that of a man and a woman engaging in sex. Furthermore, subjects such as religious education or moral education push the agenda of heterosexuality while teaching that other sexualities are immoral. The general curriculum in our schools does not sexually orientate children, it only introduces them to heterosexuality as a compass and homosexuality as being an immoral form of sexually orientation. What it communicates of homosexuality is just the fact that it is a sin. When dealing with students that are selfdiscovering, teachers would rather correct their behavior by quoting the bible or the curriculum. This leads to a detour in the journey of self-discovery.

Our parents influence our journey of sexuality greatly especially on the fact that we hold them in high regard and trust that they only want the best for us. For decades now, girls are raised to be wives and this can be seen with the roles they are given in the household, the same applying to the boys. Girls then know they are to get married to a man at some point in their life willingly or unwillingly. Already, your life is planned out for you from the moment that you are born. Even with times having slightly changed, we still find the dictation occurring not just in matters of our sexuality but also in our choice of careers. The idea of marriage is held highly and everyone is expected to aspire to it. Failure to do so renders you immature.

Currently some people live a façade because of their guardian’s expectations of them. They fear being disowned and would rather live with the burden of not being true to themselves. All these aspects structure our lives in a narrow manner as we fail to see the diversity in all of us. Question is how many people are being true to themselves in terms of their sexuality? Without the influence of education, religion or parent’s aspirations for us, would you say you are strongly self-aware and assertive? All these factors act as hurdles to individuals living their truth early. People now have to wait until their 20s to explore and come into their own.