Save a friend from this awkwardness

Your best friend owes you money, and she has for more than a year now. You feel like you are stuck in a state of awkwardness. But why does it feel so awkward to ask your friend who owes you money to pay you back? It is always nerve-wracking to even think about it. The thought of picking that phone to call to remind them is the last thing you want to do, let along send that text. And whenever you have gathered all the guts to say it, you always get a, “Oh yeah, that! Don’t worry, I’ll pay you.” However, she forgets again.

You have asked not in an accusatory way, very gently, not at-all-bothered type of way, but wai! She is your dear friend and has rescued you too when you were going through a rough patch. So every time you ask, she comes across as very cooperative and apologetic. She explains her financial situation and tells you that money is tighter on her side, as if it is not on yours. She continues to promise that she is working on it and will eventually pay you.

You think to yourself, if only she was not this “nice,” it would give me the reason to be angry and demand my money back. At least I would not have to deal with her “nice and gentle” self, but she is.

For how long should this go on for you to escalate it to the next level? And what is the next level?

In your heart of hearts, you do not want to raffle any feathers, nor destroy the relationship over money.

You want peace and only hope that she pays back. The thought of small claims court has crossed your mind several times, but in reality it seems too extreme.

The most painful part is that while she professes not to have money, social media tells a different story. You see that her lifestyle is way too glamorous, even more than yours. Her spending habits are also way over the top. Could she just be keeping up appearances to the world’s glaring eyes, or indeed she is able to pay but just won’t. You feel fooled and taken advantage of.

This is just one of those touchy subjects that steals your peace. A couple of times, she has paid for your meal in an outing. Should this count towards the debt? You are confused and frustrated. You have resolved many times to let it slide, but you can’t. There is only one way out of this one, to have an honest yet empathetic talk with your friend, especially if both of you value the relationship.

Be prepared to be firm and assertive, and finally agree on a payment plan if she cannot pay in full at once.

We all love money, but for some reason, it is one of those things people would rather not talk about, especially in this instance. Get comfortable talking about money.

It is also okay to ask someone how and when they plan to pay you before you even loan them the money. Financial institutions do, why shouldn’t you? By the way, contrary to popular saying, ‘money is not the root of evil,’ rather the ‘love of it’ is. It answereth all, the good book says.