On love scams and men trapping women with babies and the blindness of love
A friend of mine recently told me a story about one married woman who was distraught after her husband sired a child out of wedlock. The poor woman was put under pressure to accept the child as per Setswana culture. She said she wanted a divorce. I would too. The man should go and raise the child with the woman he had a child with. Simple. Why stay with a man who will expose you to HIV and disrespect from floozies? Ema nyana please! The worst part is that the man impregnated her too. So, there were two pregnancies. Talk about moherehere lenyalong.
It took me back to some chap who once wanted to trap me with a baby. I won’t go into the details but the next thing I even heard that I was getting married to him. Uhu. The sarcasm. So, my two-minute noodles crush was now my hubby-to-be? Ha! Thankfully, some girls came in between because they were seemingly eyeing him. Apparently he is a hunk. Apparently. In village standards I guess. I have seen and dated better so I am saying “apparently” with confidence. I resent those women because of how they found it fine to insult and shame another woman, but they helped me in a way, because had they not “fought” for that man, I would have probably found myself in an unhappy marriage and with an unplanned child. A few months down the line, they wanted me to go back to the man. That made me suspicious. They insinuated that I should have a child and marry the dude. I learnt a long time ago that when people choose a partner for you, or desperately want to see you get married or have a child, then it is not the best decision. Their “desperation” was also strange. Go ntse go twe ne mma ke eng o ijalasetsa. Ke ba lebile ka re owaai. Ne ba batla go nnela monna yo ba mo jeleng botlhe. Gore kamoso a bo ba njela madi, ba ntirisa. I know factually that a gang of them shagged the man for money, and they now wanted me to take him, ba mo heditse. Okho. Eseng masalela bo sweetie...Ke kampa ka nna sebodu. Ke fa ke re, a ba mo tsee. On the other hand the guy was bitter because I saw through him and his dirty plots, and I saw through the fake relationship and how they had been “stalking” me. Ka ne ke okomela, gore e tsamaya ha kae bolo. Ke ba roga, ke ba tshega. Ke fa ba tsositse modumo magakabe a teng, ka re owaai, ba tla bua gore ba kgoname, mme ba tla lapa. I was more upset because of the persecution and insults I endured over a man I never even dated or wanted. I recall someone saying that I am “choosy” for rejecting the guy and his idealised fantasy of family life. I pointed out that no, I am not choosy, but rather, I have standards; I deserve better in life. Period. I could also see that, fa gone fa, ke tlile go loiwa ke banyana.
They are those rural types; not my cup of tea!
The next thing the floozy is there with a baby bump and performing for me and I could tell that she was specifically told to show off to me. Apparently I was supposed to be envious. But me being me, I envy chicks who drive GD6s and vrrr phaas, live in mansions and are married to stable guys. Nnyaa ke raa hela. They kept throwing around desperate words, he we, o utlwile botlhoko, o jealous. Ka re okho. Maaka. I know better. Badimo ba buile. Le Modimo o bone gore naah, ha le gone ke struggle hela. Looking at how things panned out, I was probably going to be infected with HIV and be the one to support him, his kids and the household. Hell no!
The fact that they try too hard to prove a point confirms to me that I made the best decision ever. To me it was a case of, Let someone else carry the burden, not me. They desperately wish I was “sad” or “upset.” It is the opposite actually. I’m relieved. Happy, actually. I just wanted them out of my hair and my life. Permanently. Ne ba nnetse go njalasetsa hela ke ijolela le ma-14, ba nkobela dinyatsi ka monna o sa nnyalang. I wanted to be free to go back to my coconuts and ma-cat. And God answered my prayers. E tla re ba bangwe ba reka metseto le mashi, nna a bo ke palama sehohane ke tsamaya di location vacation, ke nwa di cocktail, ke ya di massage and enjoy coffee dates with beautiful and interesting people until I finally make my pick and settle down with a smart, handsome, clean and fellow coconut urbanite who is just as careerorientated and fun, and is from a good home, yo e reng ke mo isa ko lapeng, a bo ba itumela, eseng yo e reng ke tsena le ene a bo batho ba ipotsa gore ao, a Ms. Kels o itlhobogile mo go kana. Ha! See what I did there? Gotcha! Priorities, honey. Different strokes for different folks. It is what it is!