TRIGGERS: LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!

It is Sunday evening and a 40-year-old mother and wife walks into a grocery store to pick a few supplies for the week ahead.

As she scans through the isles, she spots him. Right there, standing by the store bakery counter. She freezes and all of a sudden she remembers. All those memories that have been buried for years in her past come flooding back to her mind. Just there, intense emotions thrust her back to the day it happened and she does not know how to react.

When he turns around, he recognises her as well. He is very much aware of the situation because he also recalls the day, and he panics but manages to keep his cool.

She was a 15-year-old girl at the time and he was 32, and a Sunday school teacher. His work had accorded him the opportunity to work with children and earned him trust from parents and the church that entrusted him. But this was a lion in the sheep’s skin. He had successfully masked his sexual abuse against her as a minor and without detection wounded several other young girls. She never spoke out about the sexual violation to anyone. Who would believe her anyway? Instead she blamed herself for the sexual abuse she endured at the hands of this man, who right now is face to face with, 25 years later.

Although it is difficult to determine the extent of damage caused by sexual violation on children into their adult life, it is clear how deeply such acts affect victims and or survivors. Sexual violation of any form including, fondling, abuse not involving penetration, grooming for the purposes of sexual contact, violation of privacy, sexual exploitation and exposure to adult sexuality is abuse and wrong. Sexual violation steals away childhoods and ruins lives forever. Right into their adulthood, victims of child abuse deal with an ongoing battle of trying to deal with and control the pain and trauma caused by the experience. And whenever there are triggers, including seeing the perpetrator, going to a place where the abuse took place, talking about the abuse, hearing a particular song or being intimate with a partner it revives painful memories. While some have gone on to marry, have children, and form meaningful relationships, others have not, as a result of difficulties in forming relationships.

It is unfortunate that many such cases especially when perpetrated by trusted people like teachers, family friends and relatives never get to be reported, and therefore victims or survivors never get to find closure and justice.

To perpetrators: You have no idea what you done! But while the scars you have engraved in the lives of innocent children will remain with them into adult life, the scars do not define them. You have stolen something that may never be recovered.

To parents: If it does not feel right – it often is not, so trust your gut feeling and do all in your power to ensure the safety of your child.