NOT SO EASY: Coming out as a transgender

We all have stories of coming out and it is different for everyone. Coming out while it can be a life long commitment, is a liberating decision that allows one to be authentic to not just themselves but to the community they live in and with. Coming out as transgender has different if not unique challenges based on my experience.

Being Transgender is classified as a mental illness as people do not understand how one could be born female and wish to be a man. Most transgender people suffer from anxiety and depression and this is brought on by having to imagine the sensation or experience of being trapped in the wrong body. It is therefore important for one to consider

counseling to address these internal struggles and to help them cope during their transition.

There are many things that one has to consider before coming out as Transgender. First an individual needs to assess the kind of support they may or will need. This support will come from family, friends or a support group. The process of transition can take toil on one and with support the journey becomes rather easy. The other key thing to consider is the location and time one chooses to come out.

Coming out at a bar surrounded by strangers and homophobes would not be a good idea. Coming out at a family dinner surrounded by your loved ones is more ideal.

It is not compulsory to come out - some people choose not to come out and live their lives in hiding. Some come out because they want to be addressed by their preferred gender pronouns and some may even change their name. Some people though, are forced to come out to their family members, close friends and loved ones about their true Identity.

Society seems to be more open minded and accepting of lesbians and gays than the trans community.

This is caused by the lack of knowledge, acceptance and understanding of the general trans community. As a result, they face not just a lot of stigma but discrimination. There are many misconceptions about being transgender. One of these misconceptions is that being transgender is a choice and being gay or lesbian is not.

It sometimes takes time for some people around a Transgender person to realize who they are and to finally accept them.

They will need time to build new understanding and ways to support a trans person, especially parents. In most outreach meetings parents often express how they feel as if they have lost their son or daughter and have gained someone they do not know. Some further express that it feels like they are mourning for their child who was maybe assigned female at birth and they do not know how to love and accept the person their child has now become.

In some cases it is hard for some people to hide who they are especially when they want to go through hormonal therapy. Hormonal therapy is the medical process of changing one’s physical attributes through taking hormones that alter one’s voice and facial hair. Hormonal therapy tends to fiddle with one’s emotional stability, leading to mental breakdowns and mood swings.

It is important that members of the trans diverse community talk and share their feelings. Most trans folks find it easier to blame themselves, which causes their mental breakdowns. Having someone to offload to when one feels alone, rejected, hurt or traumatized, can be helpful.

Parents and people who really care about their children never stay away for too long, especially those who are not accepting. Sooner or later they come back for answers.

This is where one has to listen attentively and acknowledge the feelings of others, because this could be an opportunity to make them understand you and see how not accepting you is harming you and your relationship with them. This is the most sensitive stage of coming out. It requires an open mind, calm energy and the readiness to put yourself in a vulnerable position.

It is also the stage where mutual trust is built between a trans person and their loved ones - where a lot of things that have happened throughout your coming out are put aside and forgotten or forgiven. However, not every case gets this far. You should also be ready for the negative outcomes and this is also where one will need their counsellor the most.