COMING OUT
Keitsemang’s journey of self-discovery Nearly married a woman
Homosexuality remains a touchy and taboo subject in Botswana, and with conservative cultural social constructs, it is sometimes difficult for many people to come out of the closet.
Some even put up appearances, enter heterosexual relationships and marry the opposite sex, which Bryan Keitsemang nearly did, until he introspected and realised that living a lie would be doing himself grave injustice.
The author and Political Science and Public Administration academic has published several intriguing books including The Valour of Acceptance, The Life I buried, Matters of my heart and Prayers of an atheist, among others, which all have a similar underlying theme of self-discovery.
A few years ago, he met a beautiful young woman at the University of Botswana where he studied, and fell in love. They dated for a while, got engaged and started planning their marriage and wedding, but
Keitsemang stalled as he kept getting a feeling that this was not what he wanted.
“I loved the woman wholeheartedly and she is honestly a good person but I knew it would not work out in the long-term. I didn’t want to hurt her with my pretence and we decided to part ways. The ending was amicable but also painful because we had invested so much emotion into the relationship. But it had to happen,” he said.
Keitsemang felt free and at peace, but he was aware that some people he knows would be disappointed in him and others judgemental, but he had the strong conviction to live his truth.
Keitsemang said that he does not want to box his sexuality. “I’m not sure if I am bisexual, but I’m definitely not entirely gay. I love women, although it’s men I easily and unreservedly fall in love with.” He would also not overrule marriage.
“Because laws stand in the way, marriage isn’t an option for me at the moment, but I’d love to get married in the future. Maybe I will consider it some day when our politics aren’t defined by marginalisation and exclusion. I’d just hate to give years of love and life to my partner only to be seen as nothing but a familiar stranger at his ICU door. That’d be truly heart-breaking!”
It is not easy to go against convention and ride the crest of the wave against societal expectations but sometimes one has to be a “rebel” or a “misfit” in order to be happy in life, as Keitsemang learned.
His own journey of personal discovery, accepting his sexuality, and the realisation of the importance of being true to oneself, spurred him to help his 70-year-old grandmother get married to her soulmate. He arranged the traditional ceremony and for them to go sign at the District Commissioner’s office.
In an era where “mjolo” - dating and marriage - have received a bad rap, it is refreshing to hear of beautiful love stories and Keitsemang is proud to have played a role to put honour to the elders’ relationship. He admits that there was hostility and rejection from some family but they forged ahead.
Keitsemang’s grandmother was forced into an arranged marriage when she was just 13-years-old. She had six children in the marriage. She was not necessarily happy in the marriage; she simply accepted her fate as any obedient and cultural young woman would.
She “weathered the storm” because she believed that is how it was supposed to be considering the social and cultural constructs and the gender dynamics that classified women as “children.”
One day, when her children were grown up, she packed her bags and left her matrimonial home, and refused to return. After several years she met her soulmate, Keitsemang shared.
“Theirs is a beautiful love story of a friendship that transitioned to a romantic relationship - a pure and genuine affair peppered with mutual respect, care and romance.”
Keitsemang said that people should never give up on love or marriage.
“Love is what connects us as human beings, and romantic love brings great bliss and joy. Love has no boundaries it stretches to infinity - It is like an everlasting walk with no resting points in between!”