LOOKING OUT FOR LGBTI CHILDREN

A few months ago, I wrote an article on how to protect LGBTI children and it is only right that we follow up on that discussion. In that article I highlighted the importance of creating safe spaces for LGBTI children, equipping them with information on safe sex and navigating social media.

The article cautioned against letting LGBTI children fall into the hands of online predators. This time around I found it imperative to discuss what impact the things we say or do may have on LGBTI children. As society, we need to be mindful of what we say and what our children are exposed to.

Children are exposed to what we say or do in various ways; through the grapevine, on social media, while eavesdropping or in the conversations we have with them. They look to us protect and guide them.

Our views on the world influence what they perceive as right and wrong. Our children will then choose how they relate to us based on how we view the world. Children may perceive themselves as undesirable or worthless if who they are goes against what they believe their parent or guardian stands for.

It is important that the actions of the media, parents, school staff, political and community leaders are mindful of the marginalisation of the LGBTI community. Saying the wrong thing and making the wrong decision can further stigmatise the LGBTI community.

The decisions of these people can create national conversation that may increase the fear and oppression that the LGBTI community has, especially if these conversations are not positive.

The wording of media reports may also result in hostile reactions that exacerbate homophobia. All the above listed people have platforms that members of society use as a guide on how to relate to each other. These platforms have to be used wisely.

There is then a need for educators and community leaders to understand sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGIE) issues. We need to have SOGIE topics in school curriculums to enable LGBTI children to have informed perceptions of themselves and to make allies of heterosexuals.

Community leaders being the party that guardians seek guidance from when having problems with their LGBTI children; therefore, it is only essential they know how to respond appropriately in those instances. SOGIE knowledge is also beneficial for overall policy making in communities and schools.

When LGBTI children are exposed to negative dialogue on the LGBTI community their fear of being outed proliferates. While these younger generations are more open about their sexuality, Botswana still has a long way to go in creating safe spaces for LGBTI children and adults to be their authentic selves.

Most LGBTI children are still afraid of being outed and this fear can create extreme emotional distress. Children perceive the smallest of things that happen to them as huge life altering moments. Something as small as refusing to give your child money can make them feel like they are not adequately loved, one can then imagine what they would feel like when they are outed.

Parents always feel like they know their children but in reality, they are not in tune with their children’s internal world. A parent may think that expressing anti-gay views to their child may convince that child to be straight but sexual orientation is not a choice.

A lot of LGBTI children live in fear of their parents finding out about their sexuality and some even consider committing suicide.

As a parent, you have to ask yourself whether it is worth it to lose your child either to suicide or them cutting ties with you when they are older because of your homophobic views.

It is important that parents assure their children that they will always love and support them regardless of their sexual orientation.

In concluding this discussion, I remind parents and community leaders that sexual orientation and gender identity are not a choice. LGBTI children deserve to be treated with respect and love despite your assumptions about them.

It is also essential that in creating safe spaces for children we allow them the opportunity to discover who they are without fitting them in a box. It is time we stop sexualising attraction and understand that sex is not where sexual orientation starts.

With that said, there should be no discrimination against children on the basis of their sexual orientation and gender identity especially in social institutions lest we find ourselves denying them the rights they have.