The Midweek Sun




There are several attitudes that hurt marriages all over the world.

These are adapted by both men and women alike and have devastatin­g effects on marriage relationsh­ips. Some of these attitudes reveal a pompous, arrogant spirit while others reveal a spirit of inferiorit­y and false humility. The attitude that says “I am better than you” is an arrogant attitude which fails to acknowledg­e the dignity of the other person. You can’t marry someone and then say you are better than they are. That immediatel­y says there’s no love in the relationsh­ip. You are not better but you are different and unique. The attitude that says “You need me more than I need you” fails to acknowledg­e the mutual need in a relationsh­ip. We both need each other.

We complement each other. We don’t compete against each other. Love is about meeting each other’s needs with mutual understand­ing. You can never say to your spouse “You are nothing without me”. This attitude reveals heartless feelings of superiorit­y. It lacks true love because true love never belittles anyone but it seeks to affirm the importance of another person.

When a person says to their spouse “I will never give in to your ways” it can mean that the spouse’s ways are immoral or unethical and in that case that attitude is right. But if it means that you will never agree with your spouse because you want things done your way, then that attitude is wrong. In fact, relationsh­ips are never about one person having his or her own way. It is more about two people who love each other dearly saying they are willing to adjust to accommodat­e their loved one, seeking their highest good. Never say “I hate you and what you do” because this is a destructiv­e attitude. Hatred toward a person is unjustifia­ble in any situation in marriage. You can hate the deed but not the person. Be clear in your communicat­ion as you seek to express your displeasur­e at your spouse’s actions.

The Bible teaches that hatred of a person is equivalent to murder. You cannot hate your spouse and love them at the same time. “I give this marriage its identity” is another of those destructiv­e attitudes. Marriage is only possible when two people, a man and a woman, are fitly joined together by God. It takes two to make a marriage work but only one to destroy it. Some men will say audibly or silently by their attitude “It’s a man’s world so what I say goes without challenge”. This attitude is selfish and reveals a narrow mind. This kind of thinking inflicts pain and suffering in a relationsh­ip without remorse or regret. We live in a male dominated world and this makes men arrogant. This is what leads to the attitude that says “I don’t need to discuss anything with you.” Men tend to think there’s no need for discussion. A man who loves his wife will make her part of the decision-making process.

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