Unmasked and unhappy

For some of us who were hiding behind the door when God was giving out faces the announcement from the government that it is no longer a requirement to wear a mask out there in the world was met with trepidation of sorts.

The mask has a bit of tainted history because it was used by robbers to redistribute property and money, but this was somewhat sterilised by the onset of COVID-19.

It morphed from being an outlaws’ tool of trade to being a powerful weapon to thwart the marauding virus that had the whole medical, their cousins (the ‘my-uncle-is-a-doctor’ type), their hangers-on and their dogs.

So as the mask was out there in the battlefield fighting Oriental viruses it was then double-shifted into a fashion accessory. Business people will latch onto opportunities at every turn and the mask was not to be spared. In business parlance, a crisis represents an opportunity. So as the multitudes were crying their way to the medical facilities and undertakers they figured out ways to cash in.

They started sewing masks and selling them to the under-siege citizens. They even went further and branded them. That is, they wrote company and individual names on them and that meant they were now bestowed with the right to charge ridiculous prices. And they started charging ridiculous prices.

People refused to buy. People were then attacked by the virus, in the meantime. Those who survived then decided to buy masks at ridiculous prices. The mask makers were instantly transformed to money makers. But it didn’t last as the Chinese waded into the market. We all know what happens to the market when the Orients join the fray.

A nasty and toxic friend of mine once said ‘if business people are tested for morality the test will come out negative’. Well, that would have made sense if he had not failed in business. So to me it sounded like sour mangoes.

I know there has been a call for authorities to unmask the suffocating masses. However, we were not counting on it happening that fast given the speed with which things happen around here.

Asking government to do something is like asking a man to fix something. There’s no need to nag him every six months about it. So, we were actually resigned to get the unmasking memo around mid-2023. Such revolutionary changes usually go through Parliament.

An opposition MP will table a motion to unmask the people.

It will then be debated with both sides of the aisle (ok there’s no aisle right now as now Parliament is virtual). This takes quite a while. Sometimes the mover of the motion might feel Parliament wants to shortchange his constituents who are tired of masks and might threaten to go to court.

Now local court processes usually lend themselves to justice delayed is justice administered. So the expectation would be that court will after a few months admonish Parliament and the speaker white wig and all. Then Parliament will continue the debate and put the matter to a vote. So it will then be put to a vote and the motion will lose 38 to 15.

After several months when the people have forgotten and debunked the #I Shall Not Forget war cry and factory set to Batswana-forget-easily the same motion will then be proposed by the ruling party and they will beat the opposers of the motion 38 to 15 and we will be unmasked. By that time the Covid virus would have long packed its bags to Wuhan and we will be back to our local troubles.

We will then send Rre Masupu to those areas that are extremely popular with mosquitoes to try and eradicate malaria which the Western world has unsuccessfully tried to do.

At this point the mask is on a shift more serious than guarding the queen. Many people are using the mask as a fashion accessory in order to improve their looks.

The mask has somewhat succeeded in this regard and we now have a sizeable number of people with acceptable looks.

Oh and there’s also the small matter of evading creditors which seems to be the unofficial reason for donning masks in a country afflicted with a jumbo-sized household debt.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com)

Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.

Asking government to do something is like asking a man to fix

something