Chema Chema – The Mokgokolosa effect
Until the introduction of the Chema Chema scheme, the longest queues known to mankind was the Princess Marina Hospital outpatient queue. You can wake up at 3am and get into a queue and get queuing card number 237.
This means you have to make a call to your family to bring blankets as you will probably get to see the doctor (if there’s any) after a few days. So this means if you are pregnant by the time you see a doctor you will already be having a one little, screaming companion barely three days old so there would be no need to see the doctor. Chema Chema, which is a programme for the downtrodden to access funding, has made Princess Marina Hospital queue look like an apology of a queue. Almost half the country trooped to the application point.
Since most of us are unemployed, we have found some fancy words and phrases to describe our unemployment situation so that you can nicely drift into conversations regarding money. So unemployed is referred to these days as ‘I do supplies’, ‘I tender’ and ‘I am a hustler’. All these are adjectives that describe our plight.
Yes ,it is a plight, don’t be fooled. No matter how much one tries to sanitise it, we are unemployed and have been counted and classified as such. This group formed a great percentage of the ones that was at the Chema Chema queues jostling for space to get the Chema Chema goodies. It’s easy to spot them; properly-manicured beard, which is a legacy of money gone by and spent without due care.
The ladies version usually has these long painted fingernails that make it difficult to retrieve a card from an ATM after the ‘insufficient funds’ message on the little screen. So, Chema Chema seems the ultimate leveller – we all have the same struggles. Those who were scoffing at the scheme were right there in the mix-trimmed beards and all. The fake-it-tillyou-make-it brigade that is stuck in the fake-itphase and are now realising the make-it-phase is a mirage were right there in the mix too.
I am happy that the ceiling for Chema Chema is P50, 000. This will keep the hustlers I referred to above in check and make it difficult for them to buy GD6s. GD6 is a vehicle of choice for those who have just been given loans or have just won a tender. I think those that crafted the Chema Chema scheme were alive to that fact. In these tough economic times, we cannot have a country inhabited by people driving GD6s and yet cannot afford to get a food plate at the caravan. This means that other Chema Chema recipients – the ones selling food in caravans - will struggle to get customers as most of their customers will be driving GD6s and broke.
We should, however, brace for an upsurge in business in the car capital of the country,
Mogoditshane. I am sure by now the Mmaofits – Honda Fit officially – are now being moved to the front of the showroom for better visibility and to ensnare the gullible and not too responsible.
So like the President said, this is a month of money. Many of us will be getting the ‘ping’ message alerts in our phones and if you are with someone and his or her phone ‘pings’ and they go to check the message in a corner and smile, know that the Chema Chema loan has been received. Don’t leave their side!
(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com)
*Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email
We should, however, brace for an upsurge in business in the car capital of the country, Mogoditshane