Liaise openly to discover your freedom
Iam girl aged 19 from a small village of Lorwana and I came to the city to live with my sister who is 28-years-old. My sister has two kids, both under the age of five. I came to the city with an intention to look for a job but that has been a far-fetched dream since I seem to be my sister’s maid whilst not paid.
My sister is never home since she is working in a Chinese shop. She leaves home very early and comes back very late. On weekends, the time I would expect her to spend time with her children, she is often up and about with her friends, exploiting the social life. I do not have that unfortunately, but only to take care of her children. I feel like I am caged and there is absolutely nothing I can do to also try better my lifestyle.
I have tried in a few occasions to address my concerns with her but they seem to be not bearing fruits. I think that she still treats me like the little girl she has once put on some pampers. I am a grown up to be somebody’s wife but she cannot even see that. Sometimes I wish I could just pack my stuff and abscond her house and children maybe that would shed light on her that I also deserve a life. But I know I will be unjust to the children since they cannot take care of themselves. What should I really do Coach to solve this matter amicably?
Yours,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry that you feel like you are imprisoned in your sister’s house and you feel like your dreams are being suffocated. It is unfortunate that our elder siblings sometimes act like the young are young forever and they take advantage of that.
It is important for your sister to be cognitive of the fact that you also have a life ahead of you and you must start building it as early as now. I know it feels like a jackpot for her to have you looking after her children especially that she is not paying you any wage for that service.
It is grossly unfair. I suggest that you sit her down again and try to talk to her, addressing all your grievances and if she still does not take the matter with its utmost seriousness, you may then invite someone older to mediate and make her understand your position.
It will be very wrong to abandon the children to try to get your message across to your sister. They do not deserve that. If anything happens to them in your absence, you will have regrets and guilt to deal with for the rest of your life. That will be very excruciating than the pain you are feeling now. You do not want to burn bridges with your relatives, treasure them more because you will surely need them in your future.
Make sure that she, your sister, understands why you came to the city or else she must compensate you for taking care of the babies. I hope this will be useful to you and your situation.
#ColoringSouls
Dear Coach,
Does family matter when you are running a business? This question jars on my mind each time I lay my head on the pillow because I seem to be wasting my time working for my elder brother.
I am 22-years-old gentleman who serves as an administrator in my brother’s company.
I joined the company about nine months ago and I work tirelessly to ensure that the business solicits business and is sustainable. My brother has three more employees, which I feel he prioritises when it comes to remunerations every month but I always come last.
I am a man of dreams and I desire to achieve them just like the other employees. Unfortunately, I cannot because either I am not paid my salary or I earn not all of it in the notion of I am family.
I have tried to speak to my brother about this matter but he continues to pursue his unethical conduct. I expressed my dissatisfaction with our mother but she also sounds like him. As an employee, I feel my rights should be cherished just as much as of my colleagues.
I am passionate about what I do there and I feel it has given me the direction, which I could drive my career towards but the treatment urges me to quit. I do not want to quit Coach, what must I do to make him realise that I equally deserve my dues despite our blood bonding relationship?
Yours,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You must be feeling exploited and uncherished by your sibling. It is human to feel like that and you are not being funny in any way. It is in your right to also reap the fruits of your labour. It is also wrong for him to see you through a lens of a relative but rather an employee because you are exactly that. It is only through that perception that he will realise the potential of his business. What if you reduce the efforts you put into the business in the notion of family? He will want to fire you because he will see you as a liability to his business. If he cushions the pressure of rewarding wages through you, he is limiting the business potential. Your mother or any relative will not solve your grievances because she will address matters from a social orientation perception, not business but there are other legal and sanctioned organisations that can mediate between you and your brother, that is, labour organisations. But be careful because if his emotional intelligence is weak, it might ruin your relationship. Be grateful of the opportunity he has given you to do something meaningful in your life and learn as much as you can so that tomorrow you can open your own entity and grow. All the best. #ColoringSouls
Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is the Founder and Director of Coloring Souls Coaching. A Training Consultancy advocating for MIND-SET CHANGE. It is accredited by BQA and HRDC. For team building exercise bookings contact +267 72 522 213/ +267 71 830 584 or email kealebogan@coloringsouls.co.bw for
It will be very wrong to abandon the children to try to get your message across to your sister. They do not deserve that