GOOD INTENTIONS
Never criticise another man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.
That old saying seems like good advice because it emphasises the importance of seeing things from other people’s points of view.
But it could also be practical advice - in a nasty sort of way - since if you were to take it literally, you would be a mile away and have the other guy’s shoes before you said anything bad about him.
I’ve started with that observation because it sets the stage for the psychological research I’m about to share. And like the shoe stealing take on that saying, it shows that positive instincts can sometimes develop into anti-social behaviour.
Professor Paul Bloom’s conclusions are based on historical research and on studies his Yale University team did with young children that show we’re all born with the ability to feel empathy. But the findings also indicate being able to put ourselves in other peoples’ positions may be one of our most dangerous traits… especially in large societies where we don’t know most of the people around us.
According to the professor, empathy helps create an ‘us and them’ view of life, and I think the findings are worth talking about here because they may also help explain why seemingly good people can be convinced to do horrible things.
In Just Babies, The Origin of Good and Evil, Bloom claims the big problem with empathy is that our ability to feel it is limited. “It isn’t like the sun shining its light on everything; it’s more like a spotlight. It picks out a specific person or group of people in our lives, and while we are busy sucking up all the emotions bathed in that one ray of light, the rest of the world fades away.”
In other words, empathy is reserved for people we know or can relate to easily. Family, friends, maybe fans of our favourite band or football team. But it also makes us less tolerant of others because the more we identify with the feelings of our group, the less forgiving we become of their enemies… and everyone else, and that can lead to aggressive and even violent behaviour.
Football supporters attacking strangers just because they back another team is one example of how empathy can get twisted. And I suspect many of us have experienced the down side of what can happen when families, tribes and other groups with limited membership, close ranks.
Military leaders from around the world, meanwhile, know patriotism and ideology are not the things that motivate most soldiers to fight. They fight to protect their comrades, so bonding with fellow soldiers has become a key part of their training.
But the good news is that Bloom’s research also shows that human beings instinctively want to be nice to each other. It’s not something we have to be taught, and in his studies, children as young as sixmonths-old consistently showed concern for adults and other children in distress.
So, I’m hoping being aware of empathy’s pitfalls and knowing we have to think about our feelings before we act, will help us spread that instinct thinner so we can be kinder… and more fair… to everyone.