MENTAL HEALTH AND THE ELDERLY
My name is Thandeka, I’m a 40-year-old woman. I was raised by my grandmother from childhood. My grandmother explained to me that my mother and my grandfather (her husband) died in a car accident when I was 2 years old.
My grandmother was left with the responsibility of raising me and my aunts and uncles alone. We lived off my grandmother’s little salary that she got from working as a cleaner in a primary school in our village. Life was very difficult for us. There were some days that we would go to bed hungry with no food to eat at home. It was really tough, more especially for my grandmother. I shared a room with her so I used to hear her cry herself to sleep most nights. Some days she would be angry and very irritable. She would shout at everyone even about small and insignificant issues. Sometimes she would not get out of her room for days and would tell us to send visitors away as she did not want to talk to anyone.
Regardless of the harsh conditions that we were raised in, we all grew and flourished. My uncles and aunts all moved out; some got jobs in the city, and others got married and started their own families. I am the one who remained with my grandmother because I was the youngest. I did not go to a boarding school but attended my school in the neighbouring villages so that I could commute from home and take care of my grandmother as she got older. For many years, I let go of many opportunities because I was worried about my grandmother and stayed so that I could take care of her. I realised that the death of her beloved husband and her daughter that occurred many years ago still haunted her.
Social workers used to host mini workshops at the kgotla in our village, that’s where I learned about mental health issues. I believed that my grandmother had unresolved pain as she had not properly healed from her past loss and therefore she needed counselling. There were days that she would randomly burst into tears for no particular reason. She still cries a lot when I ask her about my late mother and grandfather and does not want to get into details. I think that she is lonelier now as her children have grown up and have started living their own lives.
I have shared with my grandmother what I learned from the social workers and advised her to seek counselling but she refuses. She always tells me that there is nothing wrong with her. My grandmother believes that counselling is for young people not the elderly like her or people who have been diagnosed with psychiatric disorders. She always explains to me that she has faced her life problems alone without the help of her family and relatives and how can I expect her to tell her issues to a stranger. On top of the mindset that my grandmother has about counselling, there is limited access to mental health services in my community. We have a social worker who comes occasionally to assess the needy and helps orphans and vulnerable children. There is little availability of mental health services that are specifically designed to help the elderly. Yet they also go through so many life situations that place them at the risk of developing mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, loneliness and many others.
I am currently accessing counselling for my own childhood traumas and it’s really helping me to heal emotionally and to start living my life. I just wish that my grandmother could also access some form of mental health services so that she can experience peace in her old age. I cannot help but wonder how many other people in our communities are like my grandmother struggling in silence. I am sharing this story today with the hope that we, as the youth, may take a good look at our elders and not only educate them but also get them the mental health assistance that they need. A counsellor may not be able to solve all their problems, but talking about them with someone is a good start.
BOSASNET offers counselling services to people experiencing problems with substance use, depression, anxiety, stress, anger management and adjustment issues.
If you think that you might have a problem mentioned above, or if you have a friend or family member who does, we encourage you to seek help. For some, it can mean the difference between life and death. You can find BOSASNET on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok or call us on 3959119 or 72659891 for more information.