RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE

One of the stereotypes I had about substance abuse addiction is that it only affects dysfunctional families or families with a history of addiction.

My story proved that to be a myth. I met my now husband 10 years ago while attending a friend’s wedding and he was one of the groomsmen. He was very neat, stylish and was oozing with confidence. A couple of years down the line, we got married and were blessed with twins.

I wish I had some story to tell about my horrible, abusive marriage; maybe that could explain my husband‘s unexpected substance abuse addiction. I always knew that my husband drank occasionally and I was okay with that. Every now and then, we could even share some drinks together as a couple, but then his drinking progressed from occasionally to everyday. At first, it seemed like just a normal thing when he would have a few beers in the morning and said he was drinking to rejuvenate himself. After some time, I realised that his alcohol use started affecting his everyday life. One Monday morning, I found him passed out on the floor because he was too drunk to get on the bed; his stench could be smelt from across the room. I tried to wake him up since he was already late for work but all he could do was mumble a few inaudible words.

I called his boss to say he was very sick and could not make it to work. That weekend, we were supposed to attend a family gathering, again he was too drunk to attend so I made an excuse as to why we couldn’t come. I tried to talk to him about his extensive alcohol use and he got aggressive and defensive, from there all our conversations turned into a fight. I felt hopeless and defeated. Gradually, I became the sole provider at home even though he was working; all of his money was spent on alcohol and he even started getting into debts. Going home started feeling like the most difficult thing to do. I felt overwhelmed by all the responsibilities that now fell on my shoulders alone.

Eventually, I reached out to some of our family members to ask for assistance. Instead of being helped, I was told about a Setswana saying that says, “Ga gona ntlo e e sa neng”. This loosely translates, “Every marriage has its ups and downs, therefore I should keep family’s issues private.”

One Sunday, I listened to a radio broadcast from RB1. It was about an organisation called BOSASNET that offered substance abuse counselling. I called to ask for assistance for my husband and I was pleased to find out they offer individual counselling, family counselling and codependency counselling for anyone who lives with anyone affected by substance abuse.

After attending sessions with them, a new kind of awareness shattered many of the myths and dispelled misconceptions I had about this growing national tragedy. I learnt that substance use disorder does not only destroy the person using, but the family suffers the devastating effects, the same way my children and I watched helplessly as my husband sunk into a deadly whirlpool of alcohol abuse.

Months went by and we continued attending counselling as a family; things got better at home as my husband’s alcohol use decreased. I also learnt that as I was making countless excuses for him, I was in a way being an enabler. I realised that shielding my husband from facing the consequences of his behaviour was not really kindness, as it only saved us from temporary embarrassment but destroyed a potential source of motivation for change.

After we completed therapy, I realised the importance of also seeking counselling for me and my children. This is because had my husband attended therapy alone, he would still have returned to a family that was still hurt by his previous behaviour, and held some resentment towards him.

Our recovery journey as a family is still ongoing and I am also on my own personal recovery journey. Im learning about my input and how I can not only forgive my husband but forgive myself for all the hardships I endured because of my husband’s substance use disorder. I have been feeling a state of contentment and peace. I believe that we are healing and have learnt ways to restore our life as a family.

BOSASNET offers counselling services to people experiencing problems with substance use, depression, anxiety, stress, anger management and adjustment issues. If you think that you might have a problem mentioned above, or if you have a friend or family member who does, we encourage you to seek help. For some, it can mean the difference between life and death. You can find BOSASNET on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok or call us on 3959119 or 72659891 for more information.