A SINGLE GRAIN

“Oh no!” are the words out of my mouth as I see the waterfall of rice missing the pink container and bouncing lightly on our wooden floor. I quickly sweep up the mess and put away the canister but notice a single grain of rice that I missed. As I pick it up to throw away, I realize how little weight it has and if held, how it can easily fall through the cracks or be blown off. Suddenly, I think about its cultural weight that can sometimes be too heavy to hold.

I am reminded that rice is the backbone that makes a meal a meal – all other food being accessories.

I see friends with mouths half open with laughter and half-mashed rice, sharing our lives and experiences. I blink and I see my family sitting at a Western restaurant not knowing what to order as burgers, fries, and meats without rice left my parents confused. As I close my fingers close around the grain of rice, I see another scene of myself as a child, gobbling down my food as quickly as possible, hearing the not-so-stifled laughter of other children making their own assumptions of what I was eating based on the smell.

When I open my hand over the garbage, the grain is nowhere to be found. I realize that my own culture feels the same way – trying to grasp it but often losing it – not knowing where I lost it along the way. I am reminded that similarly, I sometimes try to ‘lose’ my culture to fit in with my white neighbors, trying to not be different. However, as I am about to give up, I find that grain stuck tenaciously on the back of my hand – defiantly there.

Remembered Always, created by Serene Chan. These last few years have been exceptionally difficult for everyone. There’s been so much loss; a death of someone often lives on for years and years with people who still love them. In Chinese symbolism, cranes are often believed to carry spirits to heaven after they die. This painting depicts loss remembered by the living and hope that their spirits are brought to a happier place. The clothing the characters are designed by Public Policy’s FW 2021 collection honouring the Chinese Transcontinental Railroad Workers in 1800s and all the overlooked Asian immigrant stories.