Finding where you belong
Search for employers who are likely to accept you and make you feel more than merely tolerated
Finding where you belong is the best compass a job seeker can use during their job search. Stop looking for a job. Instead, start searching for employers that will accept you.
You have probably experienced being in a room full of people and wondered, "Am
I in the right room? Do I belong here?"
Have you ever asked yourself, "Am I working at the right company with the right people?"
If you are having a tough time with your job search, I guarantee it is because you are trying to fit into companies where you do not belong.
Several years ago, my wife worked for a printing company. On a Monday morning, a colleague described how he had attended a party on Saturday night.
He felt uncomfortable with the people in attendance; hence his stay was brief. He explained, "I always go where I'm celebrated, not merely tolerated."
What a great mindset to have.
Based on my observations, it is my belief that most of our mental anguish, frustrations, unhappiness and failures are caused by trying to fit in. We are desperate to hear: "We want you."
"Please join us."
"We like you."
"You are whom we need." "We love you." (the ultimate heart-tugger)
Searching for employers who are likely to accept you and make you feel like you belong will expedite your job search; you may even hear the words I mentioned.
Here is my best advice to job seekers: search for your tribe.
Finding where you belong is the best compass a job seeker can use during their job search. Stop looking for a job. Instead, start searching for employers that will accept you.
Think: "I'm not looking for a job; I'm looking for my tribe."
When you join a company, you join a group.
Envision you are searching to join a group, like a community theatre or church club, that will make you feel you are one of them. Being part of a group that aligns with your values and interests, welcomes you, appreciates your presence, and when they say "we," they also mean you, is comforting.
Work takes up a significant chunk of your time. Yet, few people give enough weight to the importance of working in an environment that supports their individualism, gender, values and beliefs — a place where they can be themselves, rather than always trying to belong.
As a side note, I wonder to what extent those who advocate working from home do so to avoid working in an environment where they feel they are not really a part of?
Speaking from personal experience, the extra mental load of trying to fit in created stressors resulting in my being anxious when arriving at work, coming home frustrated and angry and having trouble sleeping.
Sound familiar?
It was not the job that was causing these mental torments. It was the atmosphere and conditions I was trying to mould myself into. During my working hours, my internal dialogue revolved around convincing myself that my experience was typical of all employees. After all, I was not at work to have fun — I was there to work.
Eventually, I started to realize that my approach was not working for me. So, I asked myself: What do I want to be accepted for? The answer to this question required soul searching.
If you are more comfortable working for a female boss, so be it. If you want to be surrounded by millennials because you feed off their energy, so be it.
Who has the right to judge you if you get along better with politically conservative people? Are you more at ease dealing with people of your cultural background — who is not?
The difference between feeling like you are the only freak show at the circus versus feeling you are seated at the heartbeat of where you are meant to be is the people you surround yourself with.
Trust me, working where you belong is much more enjoyable and less mentally draining than working for money.
An enormous benefit comes with searching for workplaces where you will not need to constantly spend your energy trying to fit in; you are job-hunting with a purpose beyond simply trying to secure a steady paycheque.
Being a fit is at the core of every hiring decision. When you are invited for an interview, it is because you possess the qualifications for the job; otherwise, you would not be invited. Interviews are conducted to gauge whether you are the right fit.
Since being a fit is a twoway street, use the interview to assess if the company, your potential boss and colleagues are a fit for you.
Only you know yourself and what works for you.
Finding your tribe boils down to being honest with yourself about the kind of people, conversations, connections and social interactions that feed your soul and, therefore, where you'll do your best work.
We all need to find our place in the world; no one ever said it would be simple.
On a parting note, not being a fit early in your employment or down the road is the No. 1 reason employees are fired. Do not underestimate the correlation between being a fit and your employment longevity.