Multiple expectations
How do you prepare to welcome two, three or even four new babies — all at once? Your local multiple births non-profit can help.
When it comes to small creatures, Paul Goulet has never been one to be easily rattled. As the owner of Little Ray’s Reptile Zoo, Goulet is surrounded by lizards, tarantulas and snakes every day.
So when he and his wife, Sheri, learned they were expecting triplets, they took it in stride, confident they could easily handle the human additions to their full and happy household.
“We’re pretty resourceful people,” Goulet explains. “We’re not the kind of people who would normally join a group or an association to figure out how to do something.”
But at the encouragement of close friends who had delivered twins, he and Sheri decided to register for a prenatal education program offered by the Multiple Birth Families Association of Ot-tawa/gatineau. Goulet says it was the best decision they made in preparing for the arrival of their three preemies.
“It was just outstanding,” Goulet says of the course. “You talk to people who have been there and know the reality of what it’s like to deliver multiples, which very frequently involves a stay at the neonatal intensive care unit. Being prepared before you go through it is a major asset.”
The course is just one of the resources available through the association, which is a chapter of Multiple Births Canada (multiplebirthscanada.org). In Alberta are the Edmonton Twin & Triplet Club (ettc.ca), and the nonprofit Twins, Triplets & More Association of Calgary (ttmac.org).
Olga Kutikov, outgoing president of the Multiple Birth Families Association, says one of the main challenges of parenting multiples is that you simply “don’t have enough hands.” She paints a picture of a mother trying to comfort two babies at the same time.
“It’s very difficult to hold two babies at the same time and walk with them up and down the hall when they are both crying,” explains Kutikov, who had a singleton, Edward, now 7, and then gave birth to twins Karina and Andrew, now 4. “Even a trip to a playgroup proved to be very challenging, because I would have two kids who would want to go in different directions and there was only one of me.
“When we started going to playgrounds with all three kids, they would all run in different directions. Now that was challenging.”
While some parents might argue that raising young children who are close in age is just as difficult, Kutikov believes there are some challenges unique to parents of multiples.
“Even if people have two young children, there is still usually at least nine months difference between them. Usually you can get a ninemonth-old child interested in a toy or something while you are feeding the younger baby.
“With twins, it all comes at the same time. Honestly, I can’t even imagine how our parents of triplets do it — and quadruplets is even harder.”
The advantage with reaching out to a local multiple births organization is the opportunity to find resources along with moral and emotional support.
Kutikov and her husband, Dmitry, discovered their local multiple births association shortly after the twins’ birth.
“For us, it was a life saver. When we joined, we found we were stuck at home with no sleep. It was very hard for the first three to six months.”
As the children grow from infants to preschoolers, the friendships among parents evolve as well.
“I still have my friends who come to moms’ night out every month,” Kutikov says. “The only difference is that now my kids are going to kindergarten, so my questions tend to be about the school bus instead of problems with breastfeeding.”
While the women meet at a coffee shop for caffeine and conversation, the men usually head to a bar for a drink and a round of pool, Kutikov says.
Now that the Goulet family are members, there was an excursion planned to Little Ray’s Reptile Zoo last month. The event was free admission by donation. The money collected was given to the group’s Christmas hamper program, which assists member families who are struggling financially with food and gift card donations during the holidays.”
Hamper recipients are often association members who are new to Canada, as well as single-parent families, Kutikov says.
The members certainly do all they can to help each other through the multiple perils of multiple parenting.
“Make no mistake; they really want to help other parents and be there for them,” Paul Goulet says.
Now that his triplets — son Walter and daughters Raelynn and Hope — are 14 months old, Goulet says the challenges of parenting are ever-changing.
“They are learning to share now. And we’re trying to teach them not to bite each other.”
Perhaps his trio of playful triplets isn’t so different from his reptile friends after all.