Calgary Herald

Robert Remington


Somebody slipped me a drink in a bar the other night. It went right to my head. And then to my heart.

I think it must have been the Dani Kool-aid, because I now love Danielle Smith and the Wildrose party.

As a result of the KoolAid, I now favour the conscience rights of taxpayerfu­nded profession­als to deny services to other taxpayers, child tax credits that mostly benefit those who don’t need it, and especially Dani Dollars — those $300 cheques Dani promises us in times of surplus — for I now realize that govern- ment cannot be trusted to take that $1.6 billion and wisely use it to kick-start a legacy project like a commuter train between Calgary and Edmonton. It’s far better for me to spend it on an ipad.

I also now firmly believe in my inalienabl­e right to drink my face off to .079 and drive my car with minimal consequenc­es. PARTY!

The Kool-aid has made me accept the Wildrose policy of governing by public referendum­s, because God forbid that we would expect elected officials to actually make a decision on a tough issue.

Even though I’m a truckdrivi­ng, gun-toting, hillbilly music-playing Albertan, serious self-examinatio­n has also forced me to admit that I must really be one of those “lefty elites” the Wildrose derides. No longer do I think that the old Reform party warhorses running Dani’s campaign are throwbacks to the Socreds. I now realize that they were justified in their selective objections this past week to the snobbish media elites who question their policies, because the Socreds were really on to something good in 1937 with their Accurate News and Informatio­n Act, which would have required newspapers to print “clarificat­ions” of stories that a committee of Social Credit legislator­s deemed inaccurate. I think we should bring that back. Dissent is bad.

The Kool-aid has made me accept as fearmonger­ing the writings of people like Dave Cournoyer, who wondered on his blog how many of the super-socialcons­ervative Wildrose candidates might get elected and if they could be put into a Wildrose cabinet.

I also now firmly believe in never, ever running a deficit to take advantage of low labour and materials costs for things like highways because, as Wildrose finance critic Rob Anderson states, government debt and stimulus spending is “immoral.” Are you listening, Stephen Harper? Wake up! The Wildrose Party of Alberta thinks you are immoral for your stupid Canada Action Plan.

The Kool-aid has made me accept that the Progressiv­e Conservati­ve government is corrupt after 41 years in power, even though Dani and the Reform party warhorses running her campaign were willing cheerleade­rs of that broken system until only recently.

It’s also a really, really good idea to abolish the Alberta Human Rights Commission and replace it with a special branch of the provincial court, because it’s absolutely not true that the courts are already creaking under the burden of caseloads, and that taxpayer-paid judges, prosecutor­s and public defenders are a dime a dozen and come cheap. Even though the Human Rights Commission closes 97 per cent of its cases through its resolution processes and sends only three per cent to tribunal — which is the real problem — it’s best to blow the whole thing up.

I now absolutely believe in the Wildrose utopia of not raising taxes, never running a deficit, limiting spending to inflation plus population growth and growing the Heritage Fund by $10 billion per year, while still hiring more teachers, home care workers, nurses, police officers, and giving Albertans 1,000 knee surgeries, 1,000 hip surgeries, 8,000 cataract surgeries and 50,000 MRIS, CT scans and other diagnostic tests.

I admit it was wrong for me to blog about this by saying that “I also have some swampland in Florida,” because my head has finally stopped spinning. Thanks to the Kool-aid, I can see clearly now.

The polls are clear. The libertaria­n juggernaut of Wildrose is unstoppabl­e. They will sweep into power the way that Peter Lougheed did in 1971. Alberta will finally be rid of the yoke of progressiv­es who stand in the way of true, free-market fundamenta­ls.

Get used to it, Alberta. Resistance is futile.

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