‘Buddy’ oblivious to boundaries
Q: I’ve met the man of my dreams. I’m 46, he’s 51, and we’re both head over heels in love. Everything’s wonderful, except for his best friend. I can count on one hand how much time we’ve spent alone these past months, without his buddy or buddies. His best friend’s an alcoholic who’s always drunk and extremely offensive and combative.
Recently, my partner and I went to a nice restaurant for a dinner alone. My boyfriend received a call from his buddy saying he was on his way. He arrived intoxicated. I was mortified. He continued to drink more wine and then drove home!
I only see my boyfriend once or twice weekly as we live in different cities. I’m starting to feel that I’m dating them both!
— The Fifth Wheel
A: Everything’s not wonderful. You need to address the “buddy problem” together. Your boyfriend’s enabling this alcoholic by putting up with his drunken company, setting no limits on when he can intrude in your life as a couple, and allowing him to drive when drunk.
In many jurisdictions, there’d be legal liability for not taking away his keys, against the restaurant that served him.
Reality check: Get to know your boyfriend better before making long-term commitments. He’s not strong on setting boundaries, and this might have an effect later.