Friendship ends on a sour note
Q: My husband and I had a best friend for 25 years; we were always there for each other, e.g., when his first marriage ended.
Last year we learned he’d cheated on his second wife. We said we didn’t approve but we were there for him (and for her also).
When his wife kicked him out, he stayed with us for a year. We had to suggest he find his own place. Our relationship continued. We never asked for rent, and he’d left some expensive bikes in our garage.
Last summer, he invited us to spend the day together with our kids, at a park. There, my husband accidentally damaged a sporting item of his, apologized, and said he’d pay for its repair.
Our friend grabbed his stuff, and his son, and left us standing there. Nine months later, we haven’t heard from him; he didn’t answer my calls.
My husband feels betrayed. Now we heard from his ex that he wants his bikes. My husband says he abandoned them long ago and he’s not giving them to him.
I’m worried that a bad ending is about to get ugly. Should I just stay out of it and let them fight it out?
— Concerned
A: No matter the legality of whether the bikes were “abandoned,” you know they’re this man’s property and must return them.
You also already know he’s a man of self-serving motives — he cheats on his wife, and takes advantage of your hospitality. Now he’s gone off the rails over something small. . . . Perhaps he was looking for a way to end the relationship (embarrassment? Too much about the past?).
Tell your husband to let him go. This ex-friend will probably respond badly if the bikes are withheld, and for your husband to behave just as angrily is a crummy model for your kids as well as continuing tension.
Just write him off.