Manipulative

Re: “Put your male friend to the test,” Ellie Tesher, Savvy Advice, June 13.

The advice given to the frustrated woman in Ellie’s advice column is appalling.

Is Ellie actually advising to get this man drunk so he is incapable of walking home and is forced to stay the night? Is her client ready to take responsibility if the plan backfires and he insists on leaving and gets injured or killed? This runs so contrary to all the messages our society teaches about the responsible use of alcohol that it is hard to imagine how it got into print.

There is a movement to make bar owners culpable for injuries of their clients. Ellie has just advised her frustrated client to put herself in the same legal situation. Besides, can you imagine what the uproar would be if a male columnist gave the same advice to force a woman to stay the night?

The second piece of advice was just as bad — manipulate a situation so her cheap boyfriend has to pay the bill at a restaurant by “forgetting” her purse and see what his reaction is. This advice is from the same stable as getting pregnant to trap the man into marrying.

Manipulation is never the basis of a stable relationship, and if this becomes the normal method of trying to motivate the other, the accumulated resentment will end the relationship.

This is a recipe for a messy divorce later on.

My advice would be to have a frank conversation, and if he is not willing to move on, then break up. Why doesn’t the frustrated woman ask him to marry her? If he says no, then it’s over. But to advise the use of drunkenness and manipulation is irresponsible on the highest level.

Dan Hardock, Calgary