Forgiven affair still causing deep hurt

Q: I’ve been in a long relationship. A while ago, I broke up with him to work on myself. He was very hurt but eventually we got back together. He then started an emotional affair with a coworker. I confronted him and said I’d leave. He saw that it was wrong and cut it off. For the last year he’s been amazing, I think we’re moving toward marriage, but I’m still hurt.

— Still Hurt

A: This is a sore you keep scratching. He clearly loves you and wants the relationship to last. Get back to working on yourself — this time through individual counselling instead of escaping the scene. And probe why you’re never fully happy even with what’s going well.

Q: I’ve been a close friend to a man for years. We both dated others, but there was always a loving connection between us. We tried to turn it into a relationship several months ago, but the sexual chemistry wasn’t there. I still felt the old friendship was worth saving. Then, my dog of 16 years died. I’m 36, have no children, and my dog was a faithful companion in a single workingwoman’s sometimes-lonely world. My friend phoned the day I had to put the dog down. I explained why I was sobbing. He stopped calling after that. A week later he emailed me, asking how I was and saying he’d let me heal on my own. Should I confront his lack of understanding or just accept that’s who he is?

— So Disappointed

A: I empathize with your loss. This man is not your close friend. He distances himself from anything that doesn’t please him. Don’t respond and cool any contact.