No matter America’s problems, NFL always rules
Every empire has problems. America, the first-ever human empire where sex tapes are a viable economic strategy, is hurtling towards what is being described as the fiscal cliff, which while given an overhyped name, will require a significant budget deal; there are military and diplomatic situations that require urgent attention all over the world, including Syria and Iran; there are democratic challenges, military-industrial sex scandals, the looming impact of climate change, Donald Trump, you name it.
So naturally, in a debate over the so-called fiscal cliff, Harry Reid, the Senate majority leaders, complained about the sports sections of several newspapers and brought up, uh, the New York Jets.
“I follow sports no matter what it is: basketball, football, baseball, whatever it is,” Reid said on the Senate floor. “And I’ve watched very closely — it’s not one of my favourite teams, but it’s really fun to watch — and that’s the New York Jets.” The New York Jets? “The New York Jets, yes. New York Jets,” Reid said. “Coach (Rex) Ryan, he’s got a problem. He has three quarterbacks: (Mark) Sanchez, he’s got Tim Tebow, he’s got a guy named (Greg) McElroy. He can’t decide who their quarterback is going to be. That’s the same problem the Republicans have. Who is the quarterback, Mr. President? Who is the quarterback?”
You know you are a truly elite sort of laughingstock when you are used to mock a party that just lost its second consecutive presidential election.
But it was a hell of an example of how the National Football League works. Last week, the Kansas City Chiefs played one day after linebacker Jovan Belcher shot and killed the mother of his child, Kasandra Perkins, and then drove to the Chiefs practice facility where he turned the gun on himself. The league refused to cancel the game; the Chiefs quite admirably won; at halftime of Sunday Night Football, NBC’s Bob Costas used his weekly editorial slot to quote from a column by Fox Sports’s Jason Whitlock that essentially stated that America’s handgun culture does more harm than good, and that he believed that Belcher and Perkins would still be alive in Belcher had not owned guns.
The firestorm was immediate and sweeping, and Costas went on various platforms to clarify — not back away from, but clarify — his comments and, for a few days, he became the most high-profile advocate for gun law reform in the country, all because he spent 90 seconds talking about it at halftime of a football game. Don’t bring politics into sports, he was told by so many, as if sports exists in a zone separate from the real world or the culture at large.
But when the NFL reached the floor of the United States Senate, it wasn’t to talk about guns or concussions or spousal abuse or mental illness. It was to make fun of the team whose starting quarterback ran into the ass of an offensive lineman and fumbled, and the backup quarterback who’s a virgin, and the third-stringer who was named the Player of the Game on FOX last week after coming in and throwing for 29 yards and a touchdown.
That’s the NFL. This space is, this week aside, a place for goofy jokes and silly sentences and the fun of the league, of which there’s plenty. The big show’s compelling and it dwarfs its darker side, week after week. I’ll go back to the jokes and the silliness and the goofball stuff next week, because that’s what this column is for. This week? Something else.
Last week, this space went 6-10 again. Maybe that’s the joke?
The picks
Baltimore (+2.5) at Washington Robert Griffin III has six turnovers through 12 games as a rookie, so he’s on pace for eight. Other notable rookie starter numbers: Andrew Luck, 21 turnovers in 12 games; Russell Wilson of Seattle, 11 turnovers in 12 games. For reference: As a rookie, Peyton Manning had 29 in 16 games, while Matt Ryan had 12 in 16. Pick: Washington Philadelphia (+9)
at Tampa Bay Why nobody should gamble on NFL games under any circumstances: Last week, the Eagles trailed the Cowboys 38-27 with 3:50 to go, and were 10-point underdogs, and covered the spread on a 98-yard punt return with 31 seconds left by Damaris Johnson, a rookie who had returned 16 punts all season. Pick: Tampa Bay Atlanta (-3.5) at Carolina The Panthers aren’t a good team by any measure, but they are a notable team in their own weird way. So far this season Carolina is 0-13 on coin tosses, one short of the mark set by the AFC in Super Bowls until the Patriots won the flip last year. So, congratulations? Pick: Atlanta Kansas City (+6.5)
at Cleveland That the Chiefs won last week was incredible; that coach Romeo Crennel coached the team one day after being present as one of his players killed himself was unthinkable and unbelievable. It felt monstrous that he had to, too. Pick: Kansas City Miami (+10) at San Francisco Some Dolphins were apparently upset that the Patriots kept executing the same running play over and over on a fourth-quarter drive last week. As defensive tackle Tony McDaniel told the Palm Beach Post, “It was disrespectful to us to run the same play over and over and be successful.” Uh … Pick: Miami Detroit (+7) at Green Bay One week after kicking Houston quarterback Matt Schaub in the groin and being fined US$30,000, Ndamukong Suh delivered a huge block on Colts offensive lineman Winston Justice, then danced and laughed over Justice’s prone body, according to the Colts. Justice suffered a concussion. Pick: Detroit
The rest
Dallas (+3) at Cincinnati. Pick: Cincinnati
St. Louis (+3) at Buffalo. Pick: St. Louis
San Diego (off the board) at Pittsburgh. Pick: Pittsburgh
Tennessee (+5) at Indianapolis. Pick: Indianapolis
N.Y. Jets (-2.5) at Jacksonville. Pick: Jacksonville
Chicago (-3) at Minnesota. Pick: Chicago
Arizona (+10) at Seattle. Pick: Arizona
New Orleans (+5) at N.Y. Giants. Pick: Giants
Houston (+3.5) at New England. Pick: Houston
Last week: 6-10 | Season: 87-101-3