Hubby is starting to become a slowpoke

Dear Tom and Ray:

I am 65 and not yet ready to become a “geezerette.” My husband is two years older, and although he may look like one, he is not a geezer yet either. Except when he drives in our university town, that is. He is making me nuts. We have a couple of four-lane main drags in our town with 70 km/h speed limits. He drives in the passing lane at 55 with a beatific smile on his face. I just don’t want to drive with a geezer and have others perceive him as one! Help!

— Gayle

TOM: I’ve got bad news for you, Gayle. Your husband IS a geezer. And before all you geezers write to us and complain, please note that we use the word “geezer” as a term of endearment. Like “knucklehead.”

RAY: My brother should know. He’s both. But on the geezer side, his average driving speed has declined from about 70 km/h to 25 in recent years.

TOM: Well, some things change when you get older.

RAY: Yeah. I don’t think he made a conscious decision to slow down; I think his brain did it for him, be- cause it was sending the message that driving faster doesn’t feel safe.

TOM: As long as I’m aware of what’s going on around me, and I’m not making a traffic hazard of myself (like by going 35 in the passing lane), it’s fine to drive a little slower.

RAY: So I don’t think you really want your hubby to speed up, Gayle. Even though he isn’t saying so, I suspect he doesn’t feel safe driving at normal speeds anymore. He even feels unsafe when YOU’RE driving at a higher speed, because it seems much faster to him than it used to.

TOM: Why is he fine on the highway? Well, my guess is that highway driving is easier for him. There are no turns in the road, no crossing or even oncoming traffic, no pedestrians, no parked cars, no bicyclists, no tree limbs. So it’s easier for him to maintain a steady speed without the distractions.

RAY: So if you’re convinced that he’s cognitively OK and you’re convinced that he’s not doing this just to drive you crazy, then you want to check the basics and make sure his eyesight and hearing are where they should be.

TOM: If he passes those tests, then he’s just entering geezerdom. Sorry, Gayle — it happens to all of us. Or at least those lucky enough to make it that far. In which case, you have two choices.

RAY: One is to take up meditation. That’ll help you learn to accept life at his new speed. The other is to do the driving yourself when you go out together.