‘Helpful’ man spent thousands on hooker

Q: I’m a mature man. Two years ago, I stupidly went to a brothel where I met a prostitute in her mid 40s. She said she had to do that work because she had debts. So I helped her with $10,000 — but then she wanted more.

I kept supporting her (more than $5,000 monthly for 18 months) until she got a legitimate job. She lied, saying she loved me, but we never had sex. I also gave her a car.

She said she’d left her abusive and bankrupt husband shortly before I met her. Now she lives with her two older teens. She kept lying and just wanted my money.

But I believed she wanted to have a normal life, so I kept helping her.

Now she has a decent income, but she still wants me to pay her $1,500 rent for a while. I have a good job and a wife. I never had sex with that woman after the one time. I felt guilty, so I helped give her a new life.

Am I a stupid man who was used by an opportunist? Or was I too kind? I still love my wife.

— Being Used

A: You were hooked by a skilful liar and user, as a mark who could afford her demands. Whether this made you feel needed, and provided some mid-life excitement, only you and a

process of therapy can determine. Since you still love your wife, get to a therapist fast. This other woman can expose the whole story if she chooses. That’s when you can lose more than money — you’d lose your wife and your self-respect.

Tell her as a final goodbye that you wish her well. Do not refer to your financial help (in case she’s recording your conversation). Then change your contact information. You need to get back to your own life and spouse.

Q: More than 20 years ago, my husband and I met a couple with many similar interests. Several years ago, they had a daughter, whom we adore. We saw them less often, but still frequently. They’d befriended lots of parents of kids she knows, and we’re childless, so we understand.

A couple of years ago, the woman started distance running. We barely see her, and she seems to barely see her husband and daughter. Her husband and the child are available, not her.

Should I give up on the friendship? I worry about her marriage, because it seems that her friendship with her trainer is more than platonic.

— Can’t Share Obsession

A: Yes, accept getting together as a sometime event. Parenthood changed this couple’s life, which is not unusual. Running and her training may be the needed balance to her parenting role. If she’s obsessed to the point of negligence to her family, or he’s more than a trainer, it’ll be obvious.