Reaction to visit a check of sincerity

Q: I’ve been talking to this man online for months. He lives in another country, but we’ve developed a closeness I’ve never felt before.

He calls me “honey,” and says he’s fallen in love with my sweetness.

Some people say this could be a scam, but he hasn’t asked me for anything. He’s hoping to be accepted to come here to be with me. I’ve seen pictures of his mother, and of the house where they live. I don’t know what I can “snoop” to find out anything different about him.

Happy Honey

A: Anyone who’s warning you about the possibility of an online scam, also wants you to be happy. So it’s wise, while dealing with distance, to be wary. One way of testing his reaction (a lot more direct than “snooping”) is to tell him you wish to meet soon, so you can go visit him, but you need help with the airfare.

His reaction to your request may reveal all you need to know. A generous response means he’s not after your financial help. A desire to have you visit — but you’d have to come up with your own funds — signals he’s sincere about wanting to be with you.

It’s worth trying to do this check, because there ARE some signals of a scam, including his desire to travel to you, which requires such a long wait, that if he does request financial help, you’re primed to offer it.

By turning this plan around, you’ll catch him off guard. If he shows you he’s sincere, you’d see a lot more than just a picture of where and how he lives, and have a better sense of whether you two could work out a life together.