GIRLS, GUNS AND GLOBAL DOMINATION
Xander Cage back on the big screen after a 15-year break, writes Chris Lackner.
MOVIES
Big releases on Jan. 20: xXx: Return of Xander Cage; Split. Big picture: Xander Cage? Who? Exactly. Hard to get excited about someone you didn’t know was missing in your life. Nevertheless, the criminal-turned-operative is back to do more damage to … well … anything and everything. As one fellow female bad ass intones: “Guns. Girls. Global domination. Xander Cage is back.” Why do I get the sense this flick is going to get the most votes on the inaugural Trump White House staff movie night? When Xander’s hyperbolic spy handler, played by Samuel L. Jackson, says things like, “We need people with the skills and the attitude to take on threats we don’t even know exist,” you just know they’re going to get quoted in future fact-free U.S. security meetings.
Vin Diesel, much like his character, is basically asked to, “kick some ass and try and look dope while you’re doing it.” In both regards, he delivers. At this point, the action star could do this in his sleep. Watch him blow up or look cool in free fall on everything from a skateboard and skis to jet skis and a motorcycle.
Meanwhile, Split stars James McAvoy. Clearly, all that mutant maintenance finally got to poor Professor X. In Split, McAvoy plays Kevin, a man with 23 personalities — including a few with a penchant for kidnapping young women.
Two dozen roles? That’s a tall order for any actor. And none of Kevin’s internal travellers are warm and cuddly. Even Kevin’s creepy nine-year-old persona, Hedwig, says creepy things like “he’s done awful things to people and he’ll do awful things to you.”
In a nut shell, some personalities want to save the girls and others want to deliver them to “The Beast.” This fright fest is from director M. Night Shyamalan. Forecast: Shyamalan could have an unlikely hit in this thriller. I predict he’ll follow up with a sequel to his 1999 breakthrough film. Get ready fort The Seventh Sense, about a young, troubled boy who can see … ghosts who can see … Pokemon.
TV
Big events: SIX (Jan. 18, History); Hunted (Jan. 22, CBS). Big picture: This new action-drama follows the elite crew of Navy S.E.A.L. Team Six as they go behind enemy lines to rescue one of their own from African militants. Walton Goggins (so brilliant on TV’s Justified) plays the captive.
Watch the S.E.A.L. team motivate one another with lines like, “We get in. we get out. We ask for forgiveness later.” Forgiveness? Saying sorry? That’s not going to fly in the New America. Toughen up, boys.
Meanwhile, the new reality show Hunted is Hunger Games meets Criminal Minds. (It starts after the NFL playoff game and moves to its regular Wednesday time slot Jan. 25.)
Watch 14 ordinary people on the run from expert hunters in “the world’s most elaborate game of hide-and-seek.”
The hunted need to disappear in today’s digital world while pursued by a team of expert man hunters with more computers and gadgets than the Starship Enterprise. Each team can earn US$250,000 if they avoid capture for 28 days, and they must stay with in a 100,000 square mile grid in the southeastern U.S. Forecast: If the world’s most dangerous game (rare short story shout out!) is man, then Hunted could be a sign of things to come. Within six months, I predict Trump will rename Washington, D.C. “The Capitol” and begin construction of a new “huge” arena. I’ll be rooting for District 50: Vermont. I like an underdog.
MUSIC
Big releases on Jan. 20: Austra (Future Politics); Foxygen (Hang). Big picture: Austra’s third fulllength effort lives up to its name, as she tackles subjects like faith and economic inequality to the backdrop of moody, driven beats. The Toronto synth-pop project is usually one step ahead of its contemporaries thanks to innovative frontwoman Katie Stelmanis. Meanwhile, Foxygen’s psych rock gets more breathing room as the California duo hook up with a symphony orchestra on their latest effort. It’s big band brass meets something best described as Bohemian Bowie Beach Boy. Flaming Lips’ Steven Drozd and the Lemon Twigs also show up to Hang. Forecast: Austra and Foxygen will both hit the right notes on far different scales. (Speaking of future politics, does someone have a fast-forward button to 2021? I dreamt about finding one the another night on my TV remote.)