Calgary Herald

HUMOUR AS A SHIELD

‘Twitter Mom’ keeps it real

- Kelly Oxford Collins ERIC VOLMERS

When You Find Out The World is Against You And Other Funny Memories About Awful Moments Rage is not the first emotion one associates with Kelly Oxford, the one-time “Twitter Mom” and author of bestsellin­g comedic memoirs.

But the final chapter of her newest collection of autobiogra­phical essays, When You Find Out The World is Against You And Other Funny Memories About Awful Moments, recounts the day the Edmontonbo­rn writer took to Twitter in response to hearing that leaked tape featuring future president Donald Trump boasting about sexually assaulting women.

Oxford was writing at her Los Angeles home early last October when, “with a great sense of dread,” she un-muted her television to hear what new Trump-related controvers­y was being fervently discussed on CNN. As most already know, the story was about a 2005 conversati­on between Trump and former Access Hollywood host Billy Bush that, unbeknowns­t to either of them, was being recorded. Without getting into the disturbing details, the lowlight was Trump claiming his stardom allows him to grope women’s vaginas with impunity.

Not long after watching this, a disgusted and shaking Oxford took to her computer and tweeted: “Women: tweet me your first assaults. they aren’t just stats. I’ll go first: Old man on city bus grabs my ‘pussy’ and smiles at me, I’m 12.”

“I think I was possessed by anger,” says Oxford, who will return to Calgary for a WordFest appearance on May 5 at the Memorial Park Library. “I was possessed by an inner anger demon. It really made me just so mad. And if I’m mad, having a huge platform like I do, it feels really powerful. I really wanted to unleash my anger and I knew that most of my friends, all of my friends, have either been assaulted or raped. I can only assume that isn’t just within my bubble, that that would be most women’s experience. I knew there would be a large number of women that maybe wouldn’t share with me but related to what I was saying.”

But they did share. Under the hashtag #NotOkay, millions shared their stories of sexual assault. Oxford includes just a few of them in that final chapter, #NotOkay: The Day My Outrage Went Viral. She also recounts three of her own stories about being sexually assaulted.

Taken alone, the final chapter can be harrowing and might suggest the former Calgarian’s second book represents a significan­t departure from her first, 2013’s New York Times bestseller Everything Is Perfect When You’re a Liar. But fans of Oxford’s observatio­nal and often self-deprecatin­g humour need not worry. As the title suggests, the new book is funny. Even that final chapter has its moments.

Oxford has always had a knack for using humour when discussing serious topics. A chapter called Be the Village covers the mother-of-three’s observatio­ns about parenting. But it also includes an encounter with a McDonald’s worker in Calgary; a Filipino dad who had been separated from his four young sons for two years and happily working for minimum wage. The story is both heartwarmi­ng and more than a little heart-wrenching, ending with Oxford sitting alone and contemplat­ing her privileged life as a parent.

“I think I use humour for myself, mostly to deflect feelings of upset, feelings of discord,” Oxford says. “If I can find humour as a deflect or a shield, it’s for myself. Obviously that mechanism that I have resonates with (other people) because they seem to enjoy what I’m doing, too.”

In fact, the underlying theme of When You Find Out the World is Against You that threads the 11 essays together isn’t lightheart­ed at all. Oxford wanted to write about memories that were the most “anxiety-provoking” for her, from her early days growing up in Alberta right up to her current concerns as a parent in California. They include very funny tales about earthquake­preparedne­ss in L.A., a tornado in Edmonton, a disastrous stint at a summer camp (outside of Edmonton) when she was 11, discoverin­g her teenage daughter’s relationsh­ip with a boy and a three-week writing staycation without kids wasted on procrastin­ation and junk-food binging.

“Most of the reason I create anything is because of a sense of anxiety,” Oxford says. “I find that it calms me down. Most of my social-media postings, Snapchats are me when I’m out or at home and bored and need to create some sort of narrative for what’s going on rather than get inside my own head and be too introspect­ive or start stressing out about certain things. It’s much easier for me to create. When I do end up getting stressed out, it’s nice that I can then eventually use those things as catharsis to create more work.”

While Oxford may have got her start as a social-media star in Calgary, she spends far less time on Twitter and other online platforms than before, although her account maintains nearly 800,000 followers. For one, reading up on or engaging with others about the political situation in the U.S. is depressing. But she also has a lot of other projects to work on, including scripts for TV or film.

Oxford lived in Calgary until 2013, when she moved to Hollywood to take advantage of her growing profile as a writer. She is currently developing a series for Hulu about high school life in the 1990s with James Franco and fellow Canuck Seth Rogen.

She has now been in the U.S. for four years. She says she misses snow (“But not the long winters”) She misses the “chill” attitudes of Canadians (“I’m kind of a chill person”). She misses Canadian food (She insists U.S. McDonald’s is inferior to Canadian McDonald’s.) Anything else?

“I work with Seth Rogen and we don’t talk about Canada that much,” she says. “But he has made fun of me for wearing a Canadian tuxedo more than once. But I think I can pull it off.”

I think I use humour for myself, mostly to deflect feelings of upset, feelings of discord.

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 ?? BLAKE LITTLE ?? Author Kelly Oxford is currently developing a series for Hulu about high school life in the 1990s.
BLAKE LITTLE Author Kelly Oxford is currently developing a series for Hulu about high school life in the 1990s.

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