SUPPORT AND RESILIENCE
Parenting with bipolar disorder
For most of her life, Melanie Sienema, 44, bounced between manic moods and depression.
In her upswings, she was thinking and moving a million miles an hour.
“I had tons of energy, spent money I didn’t have, was hyper, fasttalking, and bouncing all over the place.”
But when the darkness came, as it inevitably always did, everything seemed to grind to a stop.
Finally, six years ago, Sienema was hospitalized due to symptoms of catatonia.
“I felt disoriented and had to leave work because I was terrified of my symptoms,” she said. “I don’t remember driving home.”
That hospitalization lasted three and a half months and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
It’s a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). One to two per cent of adults have this disorder.
With support, including medical treatment and psychotherapy, people with the diagnosis can lead productive and successful lives. That includes those who are parents.
Sienema has four children, who she raised as a single mother after her divorce 12 years ago. She also managed a successful career in accounting and management in the oil and gas industry, and as a smallbusiness owner.
“While I was manic, I had very good jobs and good salaries.”
But during one manic episode, she purchased a new car she could not afford, a decision that she would not usually make.
After Sienema’s last child was born, she experienced what she thought were typical symptoms of postpartum depression, and spent much of her time resting in her bedroom or on her couch.
“I didn’t recognize it as depression,” she said. “I did what I had to do and I pushed through.”
Once she was finally diagnosed, she spent the next five and a half years being admitted and released from an Edmonton hospital, while she and her doctors figured out treatment, including the most effective medicines and dosages.
“I attempted suicide because I didn’t think I could do life,” she said. “I was scared to face my life because I was so scared of my ill- ness. I felt like I couldn’t live like this.”
With help from a supportive psychiatrist, they eventually came up with an effective treatment plan.
“I feel that every hospital stay strengthened me and gave me hope,” said Sienema. “Now I know the tough times aren’t going to last forever because I successfully get through them.”
The most effective treatment for bipolar disorder is a combination of medication and psychotherapy, including cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT).
“CBT helps people set behaviour activation goals whereby they can achieve a sense of mastery over their lives, and such goals help with long- term progress,” said Calgary psychologist Raymond Lamontagne. “Medication and therapy work, and many people respond quite well to such treatment.”
Lamontagne has treated people with bipolar disorder in private practice and as outpatients at the Mood Disorders Program at the Foothills Hospital. He said psychotherapy teaches coping skills, helps people manage mood fluctuations, and helps them differentiate between expected emotional reactions versus serious symptoms that require treatment.
“It is helpful for people with bipolar disorder to have predictable and consistent routines around sleep, meal and work times.”
Lamontagne also recommends consistent self- care, including eating well, exercising, moderate use of alcohol, and the practice of meditation.
Being a parent with bipolar disorder adds its own unique challenges.
“This illness is devastating and it is very difficult to go through it, especially with children,” said Sienema.
“Through this, my children have become more self-sufficient and confident. It is amazing how resilient children are.”
She recommends parents be open with children about their mental health conditions and educate them about the illness.
Another option is getting support from others in the same situation.
The Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorders Society hosts a variety of support groups to help people affected directly or indirectly by bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety.
“Try to connect with other parents in groups who will identify themselves,” said executive director Kaj Korvela. “People really help each other and become friends.”
The Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) Calgary Region helps people with mental health conditions and addiction concerns through groups, workshops, classes and one-on-one support.
“People can connect in a nonjudgmental way by attending these groups,” said CMHA peer support worker Cori Salmon.
Sienema recommends that parents with bipolar disorder ask for and accept help, and let their families and doctors know when they are not doing well.
“It takes great strength to recognize you have an illness and do something about it,” she said. “It is not a weakness.”
Sienema is optimistic about her future and plans to pursue a psychology degree to help others.
“I used to be really angry about my illness, but I’m not anymore,” she said. “Having bipolar disorder is really hard, but I have learned how to cope.”
She is also writing her autobiography.
“I want people with bipolar disorder to know they are not alone,” she said. “Don’t give up.”